A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays
fashion
industry plunged into the
new age with the global money surplus when Correct article usage
a
people
buy clothes
as a hobby without any reasons
. It is like a human physiological disease and Fix the agreement mistake
reason
general
public cannot stop wasting money on useless sneakers, t-shirts and other stuff. Some Add an article
the general
people
consider that it is closely connected with people
’s mindset
. If you have brandy shoes, you are better Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
that
Correct your spelling
than
people
who have mass market
Add a hyphen
mass-market
clothes
. However
, others consider that it is not true, so let us get to the bottom of this
problem.
Personally, suppose that your outfit makes sense anyway, but it is not something really important. It is clear that
Mark Zukerberg
wear black Correct your spelling
Zuckerberg
t-shirts
every day and Capitalize word
T-shirts
do
not feel any shame Correct subject-verb agreement
does
for
that. Change preposition
about
Besides
, more and more celebrities focus on their clothes
because now fashion
industry Correct article usage
the fashion
became
Wrong verb form
has become
the
efficient Correct article usage
an
way
to engage appeal
Correct word choice
and appeal
more
subscribers on the Internet, so famous stars try to look unusual. Change preposition
to more
For instance
, Kanye West, the favorite
of young Change the spelling
favourite
people
, do
not wear shoes at all. Nowadays it is not necessary to mix and match different items, you just should wear something off the peg and that’s all. Correct subject-verb agreement
does
Therefore
, general
public Correct article usage
the general
perceive
your outfit as something essential rather Change the verb form
perceives
that
looking at your inner personality.
Correct word choice
than
However
, some people
reckon that the way
you look – the way
you think. If you have a mess in your head, you probably will not have a sense of style. Even looking fresh and neat, takes up a lot of time. Moreover
, being dressed to kill is so hard, so people
enjoy aesthetically when come up fashion
icons. If you Change preposition
with fashion
well
dressed, you Add a missing verb
are well
would
probably provoke better your perception, Wrong verb form
will
therefore
the way
you look is a great power.
Nevertheless
, I still consider that many people
just
slaves of Add a missing verb
are just
fashion
and the only thing they get is a short-term pleasure. Of course
there are a lot of Add a comma
course,
fashions
houses, Change the noun form
fashion
fashion
shoes and just designer labels and I can understand this
type of art, but as for general
public, they Add an article
the general
but
Correct your spelling
buy
clothes
unconsciously, just for fun. As a
result
we get crowds of Add a comma
result,
people
trying to keep up with the latest releases.
All in all, modern celebrities and just social medias
make Correct your spelling
media
people
crazy about clothes
, sneakers and so on. It is like a new iPhone, you do not understand what have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
changes
, but you want a new one anyway. In the field of clothing general public Change the verb form
changed
have
literally the same logic, so in Correct subject-verb agreement
has
general
Add a comma
general,
people
evaluate each other’s
by their outfits because they were taught to do it on the Internet.Unnecessary verb
other
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction that sets out the writer's opinion, as well as a conclusion to summarize the points made and restate the opinion. A more traditional essay structure with an explicit thesis statement and concluding paragraph would be advisable.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks logical flow and clear transitions between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and use appropriate linking phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay only partially addresses the task. The question focuses on social status and material possessions, and the importance of old-fashioned values, but the response mainly discusses the fashion industry and celebrity influence. Stay focused on the prompt and ensure that the response more directly and fully answers the question.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat repetitive and difficult to follow. This may be due to the lack of a clear structure and plan before writing. Practice organizing ideas into a clear plan before writing to ensure each main point is distinct and adds to the argument or narrative.
task achievement
The response would benefit from a wider range of relevant specific examples to support the points made. Refer to personal knowledge or experiences that more directly relate to the topic of social status, material possessions, and values such as honor, kindness, and trust.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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