In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment.

Nowadays, the number of
crimes
still increases and the percentage of
teenagers
who join it is
also
rising. Certain
people
think that
teenagers
crimes
who commit heavy
crimes
should be sent to
jail
as well as
adult
people
to receive the same punishment.
This
essay will shed light on
this
situation and put forward my opinion that I keep neutral views about
this
statement. There are several reasons why some
people
think that should send
teenagers
into
jail
and enjoy the same treatment as adults.
Firstly
,
this
law
can ensure community safety, if some
teenagers
make the mistake of touching
this
, and can warn other
people
who want to commit major
crimes
.
Secondly
,
according to
some popular humanity projects shows that those
people
when they join heavy
crimes
keep away from school education and their parents teach for a long time, they touch some bad
people
untimely, they
are growth
Verb problem
grow
show examples
already adults, and they repeatability into
jail
.
For instance
, some
people
want to keep their lives, and they do not have a job offer to subsist, they only steal other
people
's worth of stuff,
also
this
issue can cause
people
to hurt or other society instability,
this
thing is not a
teenager's
Change the noun form
teenagers
teenager
show examples
mental can do.
On the other hand
, solving any problem should consider each point and not be extremes,
this
situation is no different.
For example
, some
teenagers
are
first
the
law
, they
first
leave home and school, and if they are sent to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
jail
,
this
place only has manual labour and the criminal
also
can affect young
people
mentally. When they end the time, they will continue to make mistakes. There are some project that shows that if the government give young
people
some mental intervention and send them into the teenager’s
jail
when they
first
touch the
law
.
This
situation can effectively make
teenagers
not mistakes. In conclusion, though I agree that sending
teenagers
to adult
jail
receives the same punishments, I
also
think when young
people
touch the
law
, the court cannot
first
think about sending them to
jail
, they should observe those
people
whether can correct their mistakes.
Submitted by ur790609922 on

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logical structure
You need to work on the logical structure of your essay. The transition between ideas is not smooth and can be confusing for the reader. Paragraphing can be improved to enhance clarity and organization.
introduction conclusion present
Remember to have a clear introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should frame the topic and your conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your opinion. Currently, the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and the conclusion does not effectively encapsulate the discussion.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples or further explanation. Many statements in your essay are quite general without proper evidence or examples to back them up. Providing more detailed support will strengthen your argument and increase your score.
complete response
Ensure that your response is complete and covers all parts of the task. You have addressed the prompt, but the development of ideas is uneven and you could expand more on the reasons behind your opinions to provide a more comprehensive response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on clarity and the development of comprehensive ideas. Ideas are not fully developed and the essay lacks depth in its argumentation. Moreover, the language used needs to be clearer. Avoid too complex or confusing sentences and ensure the essay is understandable.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This essay lacks concrete examples to support its claims. Example usage should be directly related to the argument you are making and clearly show the connection to your point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
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