IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #income #life #work
While
 it is believed by some that a job contributes to increasing our communication with others, some people claim that it would be better to improve social
life
 with someone out of the working environment. In
this
 essay, both points of view will be illustrated
in addition
 to my opinion. To commence with,
socialite
Add an article
a socialite
show examples
 in a working atmosphere is really important in order to avoid isolation and make good friends. To illustrate
this
,take my country as a clear example,the number of people who struggle with loneliness is a handful owing to communication with workmates.Not only
this
, but
this
 kind of friendship assists employees in tackling
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
complex
errand
Fix the agreement mistake
errands
show examples
.
Moreover
, on account of working
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
, the level of selfishness is in the minority.
However
,despite
this
, others believe that there are some negatives to
this
 situation.
This
 is because it is not simple to make social
life
 in the working environment. To explain
this
, most of the workers are keen on doing matchless achievements in order to increase their stipend.
Moreover
, owing to the previous epidemic era the number of redundancy is on an upward trend,So the workers don't want to be out. In order to
this
Add a missing verb
do this
show examples
, all of the employees will focus on their tasks merely. All of these provide employees with negative feelings.
Therefore
, making social
life
 out of the working environment would be better. In a nutshell, through the analysis of
this
 topic, it is predicted that
while
 social
life
 is essential,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the working atmosphere is very difficult to pull off
according to
 the aforementioned justifications.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure your essay has a logical flow from the introduction to conclusion. Each paragraph should have clear topic sentences, and ideas should be sequenced logically. Transition words and phrases should be used effectively to guide the reader through your argument. Additionally, strive to develop each point fully before moving on to the next, and make certain all parts of the essay work together to support your overall position.
task achievement
For achieving a higher score in task achievement, make sure you fully address all parts of the prompt. Offer a balanced discussion of both views mentioned and substantiate your points with relevant, detailed, and extended examples. Your own opinion should be clear and well-supported, and it should be consistent throughout the essay. Remember to reiterate your perspective in the conclusion to reinforce your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!