IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

pie chart and table about fish imported and source in the US

#fish #source
The table illustrates the number of
fish
 imported to the US in three years
such
 as 1998, 1998, and 2000.
Moreover
, the table below shows a pie chart showing data on
fish
 sources
such
 as China, Canada, and Others. It can be concluded from the data that the
value
 of
fish
 from foreign was increased
year
 by
year
.
Furthermore
, the majority of the highest suppliers are from Others. Regarding imported data of
fish
 in three years in the US. We can see the highest count of
fish
 imported in 2000, which was the number of 10.72 billion dollars.
Moreover
, the lowest
value
 was imported in 1988, where the
value
 was 6.57 billion dollars.
In addition
, the gap in number
year
 by
year
 had a rise the approximately 2 billion dollars each
year
. In terms of several suppliers countries in the world, we can see the proportion of Canada had a larger contribution of
fish
 imported to the US by 1988, where the
value
 was 60
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile, In 2000, It was clear that the highest of sources were from other countries. Where the proportion of 1998 the approximately 2 per 3 imported came from Canada.
In contrast
, 1992 and 2000 had different proportions where the larger
value
 was others had a count of 2 per 3 by suppliers
fish
 from the US.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
There are numerous grammatical issues and confusing statements that hinder the overall clarity of your essay. Focusing on sentence structure and accurate verb tense usage will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear and logical transitions between ideas. To improve cohesion, ensure that each paragraph contains a topic sentence and subsequent sentences that expand on that topic with clear and logical progression.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are not clearly defined. A well-structured essay should have a clear introductory paragraph that sets the context and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes the main points made in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Your response does not fully address the task. It is crucial to describe the details of the pie chart and table with greater precision and depth. Work on developing a more thorough examination of the given data.
task achievement
The ideas presented in your essay are on the right track but require further development. Clear and comprehensive development of ideas can be achieved by explaining the significance of the data and providing a more detailed analysis rather than merely stating the figures.
task achievement
The use of specific examples and data is good but could be improved. Make sure to reference the data accurately and use it to support your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: