IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume les sugar . Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
High levels of sugar in cooking outputs may cause many energy problems for businesses in society . some folks think the manufacturer is responsible for the health problems of businesses.
However
, others don’t. in
this
 essay, I discuss presenting my viewpoint. In the producing market , a company is established to produce outcomes to create different jobs for families provide financial profit for the owners of that association and meet the requirements of the public in society.
Therefore
, the duties of the managers of the club include providing a business plan for economic growth and providing financial profit for the group to pay salaries to employees and continuing its economic activity in the real economic world. Any activity of the team should be in line of providing the mentioned goals, even if well-being rules are not obeyed in the bread industry. commerces are considered wise nations who are free to choose their favourite meal product to buy. As there are different data resources for study, the customer’s fitness responsibility is not on their shoulders. industries are aware of their body situation and are free to choose their way of life.
Therefore
, they are free to select their beverage or feed because markets are responsible for their lives. Companies do not force populations to use sugar inventions. They provide a variety of snack brands for the food market. Anybody is free to buy or not. In conclusion, I believe that foodstuff companies work
according to
 their business plan and obey the rules of the food industry. societies are responsible for their good physical body and are free to choose. I disagree with increasing the price of sugar artefacts because it prevents financial profit for companies and may cause economic losses for the company.
Submitted by nasringoli.psycolohist on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay is challenging to follow due to unclear logical progression and lack of clear paragraphing. Ensure each paragraph presents a clear main idea, supported by relevant explanations or examples. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The response only partially addresses the task. The argument is difficult to follow and does not clearly agree or disagree with the statement. Ensure to fully respond to the task by presenting a clear opinion, relevant arguments, and supporting examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: