IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Do you think the young generation should choose their professions or their parents should choose? Explain your idea

#generation #professions #parents #idea
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the past, many regions worldwide had a tradition that the
parents
Use synonyms
 would place the where their children
work
Use synonyms
 in the
future
Use synonyms
 in order to secure the job prospect
as well as
Linking Words
 satisfy their desire of what kinds of job their
kids
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the situation has changed significantly nowadays: young
generation
Use synonyms
 has more opportunities to approach with advanced
knowledge
Use synonyms
, aware more comprehensively what profession they will follow in the
future
Use synonyms
 and have the freedom of choice to choose their
future
Use synonyms
 jobs. From my perspective, I consider that the young
generation
Use synonyms
 should have the rights choose their dream profession but their
parents
Use synonyms
 should join their hand as well. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will present comprehensively the reasons for my idea and
also
Linking Words
 the examples supporting for that.
Initially
Linking Words
, on the one hand, the foremost reason why the young generations have to decide their
professions
Use synonyms
 is their astonishing aptitude. Nowadays, the teenagers are becoming more conscious of what they are going to follow in the
future
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the improvement and the development of the education system: The
knowledge
Use synonyms
 at school becomes more practical, focusing on the
experience
Use synonyms
 and self-development.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the young will have an extremely solid foundation, awareness of the environment, quick adaptation and so on, which make them considerably better when compared to the previous generations at young age. Letting the young to choose the profession is one of the best and quickest way for them to apply and adopt the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and
experience
Use synonyms
 they have gained.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the other reason of letting the young to choose their major is that they will have more energy to do what they would love to. It is understandable that every people will have more motivation to do what they love rather than what they don't , so the same to the young
generation
Use synonyms
. By doing
this
Linking Words
, there are a lot of advantages which can be easily seen,
for instance
Linking Words
: having more motivation, becoming more energetic, improving productivity at
work
Use synonyms
,...
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
parents
Use synonyms
 should participate in the process of choosing their
professions
Use synonyms
 because of their various
experience
Use synonyms
. The
parents
Use synonyms
 are the person who have gone through a numerous changes through out their lives: They definitely have the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of the trends of occupations, some fields of
professions
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that the
kids
Use synonyms
 now have improved not only in skills but
also
Linking Words
 the way of thinking, but they still the kid and don't have much opportunities to
experience
Use synonyms
 the real working life.
As a result
Linking Words
, if the
parents
Use synonyms
 take part in the process of choosing
professions
Use synonyms
 of their
kids
Use synonyms
 by giving advice and explaining the disadvantages and advantages of each options, their children will choose the most suitable major and
also
Linking Words
 not feel a sense of isolation in their careers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the other reason is that having their
parents
Use synonyms
 supporting the decision, the young
generation
Use synonyms
 will have more confidence in chasing their dreams.
This
Linking Words
 will
also
Linking Words
 enhance the domestic relationship and the
kids
Use synonyms
consequently
Linking Words
 will have the best environment to develop themselves, train harder and harder
as well as
Linking Words
 have the motivation to
work
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the young
generation
Use synonyms
 can ultimately do their best and achieve what they have planned.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the young
generation
Use synonyms
 nowadays has developed better and shows their ability to make their own decision of what they are going to do in the
future
Use synonyms
, it is essential that the
parents
Use synonyms
 give the valuable advice to them not only to keep them more practical but
also
Linking Words
 to motivate their own
kids
Use synonyms
 in their careers.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
The essay presents a reasonable argument, but the logical structure could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one and clearly leads to the conclusion. Aim for a more seamless flow throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
You need to present a clear introduction and conclusion to effectively frame your argument. An essay should begin by paraphrasing the question and end by summarizing the main points, leading to a decisive conclusion.
supported main points
You supported some main points with explanations; however, including relevant and specific examples would strengthen your argument considerably. Examples help to illustrate and solidify the points being made.
complete response
Ensure that you develop a complete response to all parts of the task. It appears that some aspects of the prompt may not have been fully addressed or elaborated upon. Provide comprehensive coverage of the subject matter.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've conveyed clear ideas, but strive for greater comprehensiveness in your reasoning. Avoid underdeveloped statements; instead, elaborate on your ideas to demonstrate depth of thought.
relevant specific examples
While you've included relevant details, the use of specific examples is limited. Strengthen your essay by integrating specific, real-world examples to back up your ideas. This makes your arguments more convincing and relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: