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Band 4

Nowadays consumers are faced with the advertisements from all kinds of companies. To what extent do you agree that consumers are influenced by advertisements? What measures should be taken to protect them?

#consumers #advertisements #kinds #companies #measures
There has been a claim that buyers are encountered with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements
 from all sorts of corporations. I completely agree that there are many types of
advertisements
 recently, and consumers are exposed to them easily. There are several reasons why I agree with
this
 topic, and methods protecting
people
. In the past,
people
 only encountered
advertisements
 on old fashioned methods,
such
 as TV, newspapers or
megazines
Correct your spelling
magazines
.
Thus
, they had few opportunities to be faced with
adverts
 again,
As a result
, they had enough time to seriously reconsider whether they
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 the
products
 or not.
However
, as
media
 technology and personal devices have advanced, numerous social
media
 platforms and websites have irregularly introduced
advertisements
 to customers.
Furthermore
,
people
 repeatedly can see more
adverts
 in public places because
advertiseing
Correct your spelling
advertising
media
 are installed
various
Change preposition
in various
show examples
 ways. Eventually,
people
 succumb to the urge to buy
products
.
For example
,
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
 youngsters have spent money on unnecessary, low-quality items because of pop-up
advertisements
 on their Instagram. I think that the best way to protect
people
 from excessive exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
adverts
 is not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 role of the government because there is no national law about advertising
products
 of companies.
Therefore
,
people
 should practise their consumption style by learning self-control and budget management.
For instance
,
people
 could reduce the frequency of accessing pop-up
adverts
 on social
media
 or compare whether they truly need the
products
. In conclusion, in
this
 era, Individuals are exposed to increasing
advertisements
. They should grow their self-discipline and deep consideration.
Submitted by dlwhdgur6575 on

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task response
To enhance task response, be sure to adequately address all parts of the prompt. Your response to the extent of agreement on consumer influence by advertisements is clear, but the measures for protection were not fully developed or well-integrated into the essay. Specify concrete measures and elaborate on them.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay follows a clear logical structure, with well-defined paragraphs and cohesive devices. Although you have organized your ideas into paragraphs, the connections between them are relatively weak, and transitions could be more fluid. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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