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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
There is an opinion that
people
 should adapt to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
undesirable circumstances, like a lack of finances or
distressing
Correct article usage
a distressing
show examples
 occupation,
whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others hold contradictory beliefs. I strongly believe that nobody should give up,
moreover
Add a comma
,
show examples
everyone ought to struggle for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
 and enjoyable specialization.
To begin
 with, today
life
 is increasing by leaps and bounds,
hence
 to stay competitive in the labor market,
people
 should acquire new skills
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and never stop gaining new capabilities. To say more, the nature of humans requires promotion and growth, which means that they will never accept
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 situation and will always cope for more. Indeed, I consider that
people
 always set goals and do their best to achieve them, even after some failures, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was in case with my cousin, who passed exams with flying colors and was accepted
in
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into
show examples
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
 University of Armenia after
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
 attempt.
On the other hand
,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
life
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 many
people
 pessimists,
therefore
 they are willing not to change their workplaces or improve their knowledge for new chances in
life
.
Furthermore
, they are afraid of the new environment and responsibilities, which become crucial
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their preferences and monotone
life
.
Nevertheless
,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
lovely profession inspires
people
 to obtain success and become confident and prosperous. To illustrate
this
, research made by Cambridge University shows that when
people
 are satisfied in their occupation, in ninety
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
cases
Change preposition
of cases
show examples
 they are content in their financial situation too. Admittedly,
although
 the fact that many
people
 think that nothing can be done to make better
life
 conditions, I am sure that if the person really
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
, they can reach
to
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apply
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any height.
Submitted by anushkh1989 on

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coherence cohesion
Maintain a clearer progression of ideas throughout the essay. While some points are presented with logical follow-through, others feel disjointed. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea with logical supporting sentences would strengthen this aspect. Work on using cohesive devices and transitional phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas in a structured manner by providing a more detailed explanation, further reasoning, or more elaborated examples to ensure that you fully answer the question. Consider using a wider range of structures and vocabulary to express more nuanced ideas. Clearly presenting a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own position would improve the task achievement score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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