The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. What extent Do you Agree or Disagree ??

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #crimes #society

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The

Correct article usage

Crime

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crime

Use synonyms

fiction and drama have become an integral part of

Correct article usage

the

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entertainment

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industry as

evident

Replace the word

evidenced

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its

Correct pronoun usage

their

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burgeoning popularity and increasing viewership on the big-screen and small-screen

media

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alike. But

this

Linking Words

question remains: Has

this

Linking Words

trend led to an increased

crime

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rate ?

Although

Linking Words

some

people

Use synonyms

believe that the government should restrict

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime

Use synonyms

entertainment

Use synonyms

, I do not think they are responsible for the crimes happening in cities and towns. The main reason why I believe that the censor board does not need to assess the magnitude of violence and gore scenes on TV and the cinema stems from the fact that

people

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are educated to differentiate between

Remove the article

apply

show examples

fiction and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reality.

People

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have heightened

media

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awareness and are

also

Linking Words

well versed

Add a hyphen

well-versed

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to understand

Change preposition

in understanding

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the deleterious impacts of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime

Use synonyms

movies and TV shows. To illustrate, many schools incorporate general awareness

program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

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in their curricula, which goes beyond underscoring the detrimental implications of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

modern tools, and

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also

Add a missing verb

are also

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aimed at thwarting the development of any antisocial

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

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due to

Linking Words

the gore scenes and delinquency

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show examples

visual

media

Use synonyms

. Another reason why the government should not monitor the degree of the unlawful actions visuals in films and

televisons

Correct your spelling

television

televisions

because

Add a missing verb

is because

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it cannot be held responsible for any individual's actions. Many individuals embark on their journey of

crime

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due to

Linking Words

their own personal reasons which has nothing to do with

influence

Add an article

the influence

show examples

media

Use synonyms

In other words

Linking Words

, if

crime

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-based movies were really the

culpable

Replace the word

culpability

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of persuading

people

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to resort to illegal activities, there would have been no

crime

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in the past.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the

crime

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rate is higher in developing countries in which the majority of poor convicts,

such

Linking Words

pocketpickers

Correct your spelling

pocket pickers

, don't even have

Add an article

a TV

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

their homes.

Infact

Correct your spelling

In fact

, it was the dire financial circumstances that

lead

Wrong verb form

led

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them to commit wrongdoing; not

crime

Use synonyms

shows and movies. In conclusion, I will reiterate my opinion that I completely disagree that the authorities need to put pressure on the filmmakers.

This

Linking Words

is because the government has no control over the willingness of a person to commit a

crime

Use synonyms

, and our

people

Use synonyms

are well informed about the negative influence of

media

Use synonyms

entertainment

Use synonyms

;

therefore

Linking Words

crime

Use synonyms

entertainment

Use synonyms

does not have any significant

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

on their personality.

Submitted by rohit.narad90 on Wed Nov 29 2023

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coherence cohesion

You have a reasonable structure in your essay, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, your essay needs to have a clearer logical flow of ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to make the progression of your argument clearer.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic, but the response is not fully developed. Elaborate on your main points by providing more detailed explanations and expanding on your examples to directly address the question. Consider exploring the counter-argument to enhance the depth of your response.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

367 words

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