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Band 5

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible.

#cultures #technology
Many
people
 believe that with the development of
technology
 in a certain country the traditional skills, culture, values and ways of life start to die out. And it is completely meaningless to try to preserve them.
On the other hand
,
such
 development can offer
the
Correct article usage
apply
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prosperity for a country and
even
Correct article usage
an even
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 better quality of life for its citizens.
To begin
 with, the progress regarding
technology
 has already brought a lot of novel things into our lives, it includes both: drawbacks and benefits.
For example
, our
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
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 gather together during holidays less and less frequently, the cause of it might be that they prefer sitting at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
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 looking at screens of their devices.
Also
, children nowadays come to play around in the yards very rarely, the cause of it is the same. From
that
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that,
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 it can be concluded that
people
 are dramatically affected by that and are becoming less involved in
the
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apply
show examples
cultural events and traditional holidays and are becoming less sociable. It is undeniable that these days we
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 completely different lifestyles compared to our ancestors and there is a possibility that one day one’s culture can disappear completely.
On the other hand
,
technology
 has provided us
so
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with so
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 many things which are now extremely vital for our existence.
The robots
Correct article usage
Robots
show examples
 and artificial intelligence which can operate at almost the same rate as we do are
also
 inevitable for
the
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apply
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future development.
Moreover
,
people
 now have almost unlimited choices and opportunities and in many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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people
 are having a better-quality life than they used to thanks to advanced
technology
.
To sum up
, I honestly think that
one day
Add a hyphen
one-day
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technology
 might overthrow
the
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apply
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culture and tradition.
However
, it can be useful if we try to preserve
this
 but it will involve a lot of commitment from
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and residents.
Submitted by valeriy.khan1985 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within that paragraph are linked to it. This means making sure that each paragraph elaborates on a single aspect of the topic, providing adequate development of the idea put forward.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should be structured with a clear introduction that sets the topic, body paragraphs that each handle a single main argument with supporting details, and a conclusion that summarises the points made and restates your position. The introduction and the conclusion need to clearly define the parameters of the discussion and provide a final perspective respectively.
task achievement
Back up your main points with clear, relevant examples. While you have given some scenarios to illustrate your points, these could be strengthened by providing more detailed examples or citing evidence or statistics that support your arguments.
task achievement
Focus on fully answering all parts of the task, including addressing how cultures might be preserved. You discussed this briefly in the conclusion, but more development of this idea would enhance your task achievement score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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