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Band 2.5

Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #future #planet #species #support #life
The world has been plagued with many concerns related to the environment, leading to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
this
 earth inhabitable for everyone.
Therefore
, sceptics argue that we should find a similar habitable planet for us to survive in the future. In my opinion, I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement
due to
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 environmental issues that we face
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion in detail with relevant examples.
Firstly
,
due to
Change preposition
apply
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the evolution of technology has spoiled our earth.
That is
 to say that technological developments
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
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 to produce more
non-biodegeradable
Correct your spelling
non-biodegradable
 waste causing air, land and water pollution which are the basic requirements for the survival of human beings.
Further
 developments in those areas would make most of our landscapes inhabitable,
for instance
, a recent study about ecological impacts shows that an average of 70% of
ozone
Correct article usage
the ozone
show examples
 layer
depleted
Add a missing verb
is depleted
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due to
 the release of carbon emissions from vehicles and factories
as well as
 increased impurities in
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
.
Consequently
, if
such
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
 extends for a prolonged period of time, we cannot live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 planet.
Secondly
, we already started looking for alternative resources.
This
 is mainly
due to
 the evolution of technology and overpopulation which has forced human beings to deplete the natural resources for their fundamental needs.
he
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 basic things that are required for living
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 air, water and shelter .
That is
 to say that
Submitted by jeeanay on

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task achievement
Regarding task response, the essay fails to elaborate on the extent of agreement with the given opinion and offer a conclusive statement. The argument is presented abruptly and is incomplete. To improve, ensure that the response fully addresses the prompt. This means exploring the implications of the opinion, discussing counterpoints, and providing a clear, final stance.
coherence cohesion
Concerning coherence and cohesion, the essay lacks a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. There is no evident progression of ideas, and the points are not well-developed. To enhance this, plan your essay with a clear outline and make sure each paragraph has a main idea and supporting details. Furthermore, use linking words effectively to guide the reader through the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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