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Band 5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are s To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society
The influence of social media over,
advertisement
 has played a major role in becoming its
goods
 popular. It was stated that
this
 has caused
people
 to
over purchase
Add a hyphen
over-purchase
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 the
goods
 and buy unnecessary items as well. In
this
 regard, I too agree with the statement that the power of
advertisement
 conflicts with consumer's interests. Business
people
 around the globe
use
 various
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of media, including television, and public social
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
such
 as
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
, twitter etc.. to advertise their consumer products.
This
 helped the information to reach almost every rural part of the country around the world, thanks to the technology. Now we have to question ourselves, if
this
 has really served social purposes.
People
 are now informed about various
goods
 and are purchasing almost all the
goods
 they see in the
advertisement
.
This
 kind of attitude is offered by advertisements, where
people
 purchase the item for one-time
use
 and
then
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
dispose of it.
For instance
, the
use
 of plastic cups
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is advertised in
such
 a way that it is convenient to
use
,light and cheap.
Such
 items are now widely used, around the world. Did it really serve the purpose? I doubt its long-term impact on the environment as well. The plastic cups can be substituted by carrying their own original cups
while
 at a hike or camping if it is not advertised and sold widely across the globe. The
advertisement
 changes the mental attitude leading
people
 to get influenced by their own products.
This
 has helped
people
 a bit but unfortunately, they spoiled hard-earned home budgets by influencing their products via advertisements.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a basic level of organization, with an introductory statement and some flow between ideas; however, there is a need for clearer paragraphing and topic sentences. The argument would benefit from a more logical progression of ideas with clearer transitions between them.
task achievement
The essay starts by agreeing with the statement, yet the development of the argument is limited. It is essential to fully address the prompt by analyzing both sides of the argument, offering a balanced view, or a more nuanced opinion. Ensure that your position is consistently and cogently supported throughout your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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