Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace ( e.g. at home, when travelling, etc. ). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays information technology has been developing so that
workers
can choose different places that they Use synonyms
work
, like home. Some Use synonyms
people
consider it is not effective for working. Use synonyms
However
, I will claim that the upsides of not working in the Linking Words
workplace
outweigh the downsides.
Not working in the Use synonyms
workplace
brings two disadvantages to Use synonyms
workers
. Use synonyms
To begin
with, it is easy to delay Linking Words
work
when Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
work
outside the Use synonyms
workplace
. Most jobs need Use synonyms
people
to collaborate with others. Yet, when Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
work
in different places, it is hard to communicate with others and they need more time to deal with it so the deadline might be Use synonyms
delay
. Wrong verb form
delayed
In addition
, working outside the Linking Words
workplace
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
Use synonyms
have
pressure because Verb problem
feel
people
will think everywhere is a Use synonyms
workplace
, even at home. Use synonyms
Then
they could not be relaxed.
Regardless of the disadvantages above, advantages brought by doing Linking Words
work
outside the Use synonyms
workplace
. It is flexible to plan a timetable for Use synonyms
people
who have children. Because they can choose what time they want to start and end the Use synonyms
work
. Use synonyms
Thus
, they have enough time to send their children to school or pick up them. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
workers
can save money from the traffic. Gas, parking fees and taxes for cars increase year by year. If Use synonyms
workers
can Use synonyms
work
somewhere Use synonyms
that is
near their home, it could save a lot of money.
Linking Words
To sum up
, Linking Words
people
could surely get form not working in the working. Use synonyms
However
, the advantages give Linking Words
people
the flexibility to plan their timetable and places Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
that
is
near their house which can save money Correct subject-verb agreement
are
for
Change preposition
apply
themselves
.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by pobbywang on
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Coherence Cohesion
Ensure consistent verb tenses throughout your essay. In some instances, you have switched between past and present tenses erroneously, which can make the text harder to follow.
Coherence Cohesion
Your essay's structure would benefit from clear topic sentences that directly relate to the task prompt. These should be followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the point being made
Task Achievement
The introduction could be strengthened by directly addressing the essay question and clearly stating your main argument or point of view.
Coherence Cohesion
Be mindful of article and preposition usage. There are several instances within your writing where these are either incorrect or missing, which impacts readability.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This would help to further convince the reader and add depth to your arguments.
Coherence Cohesion
Pay attention to sentence variety. Mix complex and simple sentence structures to create a more engaging and sophisticated narrative.
Task Achievement
Work on developing a stronger conclusion that does more than simply restate the main points. A conclusion should also provide some final thoughts or a decisive stance on the issue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example