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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the percentage of sending on different areas in the average household in one country in 1910 and 1960

The chart below show the percentage of sending on different areas in the average household in one country in 1910 and 1960
#show #percentage #areas #household #country
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The pie chart provides information about
overage
Add an article
the overage
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of expenditures on 6 different aspects in 1910 and 1960 .
Overall
Linking Words
, The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on various
such
Linking Words
 as housing and entertainment rose
while
Linking Words
 those
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Food and clothing
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 less favourable. Another noteworthy fact is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the overage
money
Use synonyms
 people spent on healthcare didn't change. It can be seen that, in 1910, 43
percent
Use synonyms
 of household expenditure was spent on food but in 1960,
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 decreased by 13
percent
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
This
Linking Words
 situation is repeated in clothes. In 1910, 14
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
allocated
Add a missing verb
was allocated
show examples
clothes
Change preposition
for clothes
show examples
 but
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 decreased
2
Change preposition
by 2
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 by 1960. At the same time, 23
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was spent on housing.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in 1960,
this
Linking Words
percent
Use synonyms
 was changed to 28. When it comes to others, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 rose.In 1910, the other was 13
percent
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 indicator increased to 8
percent
Use synonyms
 in 1960 As for entertainment, it was 2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1910 and that
percentage
Use synonyms
 was
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
. After 50 years,
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 has increased only 2%.In 1910 and 1960, healthcare accounted for 5
percent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by xurshid030 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, money, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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