Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a
constroversial
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controversial
perspective heating a debate over
high
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whether high
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school students should not be required to take art classes like painting or drawing.
While
this
thinking is valid to a certain extent,
i
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I
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would contend that
i
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I
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do not partially agree with
idea
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the idea
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. Without a shadow of a doubt, the subjects of art
bring
Verb problem
have
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an enormous impact on the institutions. Because it
increase
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increases
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creativity and stimulates children's brain.
For instance
, in
this
day and age, higher education always organized
competions
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competitions
related to
paiting
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painting
and drawing with a view to
rising
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raising
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imagination
Correct article usage
the imagination
show examples
between
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of
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other pupils.
For
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From
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my perspective, art subjects play a paramount imperative part in students.
On the other hand
, creative classes
also
play a paramount pivotal role in adolescents' mental health and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
For example
, pottery or sculpture classes that entail larger physical involvement are the most enjoyable for most young learners.
Moreover
, team projects
such
as band, theatre, and performing arts are perfect activities to train their skills
of
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in
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communication, expression and teamwork. These interpersonal skills
are
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have
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of profound impact on future
profession
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professions
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and relationships in their life. In sum
up
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apply
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, despite being deemed as
no
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having no
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direct benefit to teen students ' academic performance, I consider arts
curriculum
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curricula
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build
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to build
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the foundation of youngsters' capacity
to
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for
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future challenges.
Submitted by thvana236 on

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The essay does not clearly state if it agrees or disagrees with the statement, which might confuse the reader about your position. A clear, unambiguous thesis statement is crucial.
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The essay has some repetitive phrases and ideas which could be rephrased for better variety in language use and to avoid redundancy.
Coherence & Cohesion
There are grammatical errors and misspellings throughout the essay that need attention for higher coherence and professionalism in language use. Consider proofreading your essay thoroughly.
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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