Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
day and age, unhealthy food
and drink has
become the norm in many parts of the world. From my perspective, every business should be abandoned to sell products which are Change the verb form
have
convinced
to be harmful to Verb problem
considered
human
for several reasons.
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Firstly
, each year, a huge number of people were
diagnosed with serious diseases Wrong verb form
are
such
as obesity and diabetes due to
unhealthy food
. Part of the explanation lies in the fact that a corner shop in your neighborhood
provides a lot of Change the spelling
neighbourhood
food
which is microwavable, time-saving, cheap and suitable for people with hectic
Add an article
a hectic
schedule
. Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
As a result
, they tend to buy them every day and catch a disease. For example
, the obesity rate in the USA is always an enduring issue, because the American
prefer to choose comfort Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
food
instead
of organic ones. However
, due to
the national culture and mindset obstacles, some countries believe that the citizens keep it as their cultural identity that can not be changed for any reasons
. It seems quite clear that unhealthy Fix the agreement mistake
reason
food
has a growing popularity because of its convenience, which is considered as one of the unaltered culture
.
Change to a plural noun
cultures
Apart from
this
, another aspect is that various businesses are taking advantage of unhealthy food
to earn more profits. Materials and inventory costs of convenience food
are widely supposed to be cheaper than those of organic food
. This
will exert a far-reaching influence on human lifestyle and health. Street food
in Vietnam is quoted as an example of this
,
because they do not spend much money on materials. More people, especially the young, love eating them, though. Remove the comma
apply
On the other hand
, tourism is the main industry in many countries around the world, in which fast food
, junk food
, convenience food
and street food
display the characterisitic
of an area, attracting millions of tourists annually. Probably, there is some truth in the idea that unhealthy Correct your spelling
characteristic
characteristics
food
companies are contributing to the health of the economy even though the products are proven to be unhealthy for the citizens.
In conclusion, it might be time to take the
human health into consideration despite the fact that it affects the culture and the economy of a country.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, and that these are all focused on answering the task. The introduction should contain a thesis statement that clearly presents your opinion on the topic, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
While your essay generally follows a logical structure, some paragraphs appear to be unfocused and the ideas could be better organized. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use topic sentences and supporting sentences effectively to develop that idea.
task achievement
Your essay provides some relevant examples; however, more specificity and depth in these examples would strengthen your arguments. Aim to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, while ensuring precision and accuracy in language use.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use transition words and phrases to connect ideas, paragraphs, and sentences coherently. Consider the flow of ideas throughout the essay, and ensure that it is easy for the reader to follow your argument from one point to the next.
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