Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
day and age, unhealthy
food
and drink
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
become the norm in many parts of the world. From my perspective, every business should be abandoned to sell products which are
convinced
Verb problem
considered
show examples
to be harmful to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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for several reasons.
Firstly
, each year, a huge number of people
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
diagnosed with serious diseases
such
as obesity and diabetes
due to
unhealthy
food
. Part of the explanation lies in the fact that a corner shop in your
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
provides a lot of
food
which is microwavable, time-saving, cheap and suitable for people with
hectic
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a hectic
show examples
schedule
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schedules
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.
As a result
, they tend to buy them every day and catch a disease.
For example
, the obesity rate in the USA is always an enduring issue, because the
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
show examples
prefer to choose comfort
food
instead
of organic ones.
However
,
due to
the national culture and mindset obstacles, some countries believe that the citizens keep it as their cultural identity that can not be changed for any
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
. It seems quite clear that unhealthy
food
has a growing popularity because of its convenience, which is considered as one of the unaltered
culture
Change to a plural noun
cultures
show examples
.
Apart from
this
, another aspect is that various businesses are taking advantage of unhealthy
food
to earn more profits. Materials and inventory costs of convenience
food
are widely supposed to be cheaper than those of organic
food
.
This
will exert a far-reaching influence on human lifestyle and health. Street
food
in Vietnam is quoted as an example of
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they do not spend much money on materials. More people, especially the young, love eating them, though.
On the other hand
, tourism is the main industry in many countries around the world, in which fast
food
, junk
food
, convenience
food
and street
food
display the
characterisitic
Correct your spelling
characteristic
characteristics
of an area, attracting millions of tourists annually. Probably, there is some truth in the idea that unhealthy
food
companies are contributing to the health of the economy even though the products are proven to be unhealthy for the citizens. In conclusion, it might be time to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human health into consideration despite the fact that it affects the culture and the economy of a country.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, and that these are all focused on answering the task. The introduction should contain a thesis statement that clearly presents your opinion on the topic, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
While your essay generally follows a logical structure, some paragraphs appear to be unfocused and the ideas could be better organized. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use topic sentences and supporting sentences effectively to develop that idea.
task achievement
Your essay provides some relevant examples; however, more specificity and depth in these examples would strengthen your arguments. Aim to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, while ensuring precision and accuracy in language use.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use transition words and phrases to connect ideas, paragraphs, and sentences coherently. Consider the flow of ideas throughout the essay, and ensure that it is easy for the reader to follow your argument from one point to the next.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
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