IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #country #food #population #import
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In
this
 contemporary era, the phenomenon of buying
food
 from distinct nations has become very common
however
, one school of thought opines that the mass production of edibles should be done in the home- country
instead
 of trading
food
 from foreign nations. I am completely in disagreement with
this
 notion considering the drawbacks of stopping the trade of
food
. To commence with the favourable aspects of generating four-course meals in a residential nation. The agriculture sector has been always a great source of income for many individuals,and the production of crops will not only benefit commoners but
also
 the government because a hefty amount of wealth could be saved
that is
 spent on importing edible products.
Additionally
, the generation of
food
 will provide job opportunities for job seekers and will reduce the unemployment rate of a particular nation.
However
, there are various
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 aspects of
this
 action which are important to be mentioned. Lack of favourable climate conditions to produce
food
 that has balanced nutrition because every country has distinct climate conditions ,and all nations cannot meet the demand for
food
 owing to unsuitable weather conditions.
For instance
, in Greenland, the populace survives on imported edibles because
food
 cannot be grown in that country
due to
 the
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
show examples
 cold climate.
Moreover
, a balanced diet consists of distinct cuisines and
that is
 only possible if
food
 from various parts of the world
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be collected to make a meal
therefore
, the reduction of
food
 import would affect the diet of commoners and it is not a positive development for a nation. To recapitulate, undoubtedly
food
 trade is very expensive but, for the sake of residents authorities should never consider it as a second option, and the aforementioned notion clarifies that a nutritious diet consists of edibles grown in distinct soils
therefore
, to fulfil the demand of residents government should not stop the process of
food
 trade.
Submitted by gill.g24 on

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structure
The essay should have a stronger structure with more evident paragraphing separating the introduction, main points, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and connected progressions between them.
introduction/conclusion
The introduction and conclusion should be more distinct and clearly summarize the main arguments of the essay. The conclusion could be enhanced to provide a more impactful final statement.
examples
Use more specific examples to support your points. These examples should be relevant and contribute to the overall argument of the essay.
development
Overall, the response addresses the task, but further development of ideas is recommended to completely satisfy the requirements. Be sure to address the prompt more fully by exploring more dimensions of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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