Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people

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Nowadays,

Television

Use synonyms

entertains

people

Use synonyms

often and distracts them from the actual goal they set.

However

Linking Words

, it is a problem to have

such

Linking Words

type of

technology

Use synonyms

which allows the

person

Use synonyms

to be lazy. It is strongly agreed that

Use synonyms

is not good for health reasons to individual

hence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay will explain with point why

television

Use synonyms

can be harmful to the individual

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

following paragraphs. The foremost one is that

television

Use synonyms

affects all humanity and isolates

people

Use synonyms

from social gathering activities.

Due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

consequence, they feel a lack of discipline and motivation which leads to failure to be a successful

person

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

the publisher, there are 70% of the

world

Use synonyms

population habituated to

entertainment

Use synonyms

television

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is a negative factor in watching a

television

Use synonyms

program.

In addition

Linking Words

Use synonyms

box keeps human very busy to neglect other vital tasks to accomplish.

For example

Linking Words

, in

this

Linking Words

cutting-edge

technology

Use synonyms

era,

people

Use synonyms

usually their time

spend

Verb problem

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social media

screen

Fix the agreement mistake

screens

show examples

such

Linking Words

as Apple

Use synonyms

boxes. Because eye care treatment prices immensely plummet, children during the day closely entertain their cartoons.

Hence

Linking Words

, it is crystal clear that

this

Linking Words

demerit view affects human behaviour and major distraction for an entrepreneur. As has been shown,

Television

Use synonyms

is a growing global trend

that is

Linking Words

having a significant impact on the

world

Use synonyms

. Among the more negative effects, serial programs

change

Verb problem

cause

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

woman to behave awkwardly with their partner and could be divorced reason in the future. It is

therefore

Linking Words

important for

people

Use synonyms

to take responsibility and make ethical decisions to make a proper schedule for

entertainment

Use synonyms

purposes. Nowadays,

Television

Use synonyms

entertains

people

Use synonyms

often and distracts them from the actual goal they set.

However

Linking Words

, it is a problem to have

such

Linking Words

type of

technology

Use synonyms

which allows the

person

Use synonyms

to be lazy. It is strongly agreed that

Use synonyms

is not good for health reasons to individual

hence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay will explain with point why

television

Use synonyms

can be harmful to the individual

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

following paragraphs. The foremost one is that

television

Use synonyms

affects all humanity and isolates

people

Use synonyms

from social gathering activities.

Due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

consequence, they feel a lack of discipline and motivation which leads to failure to be a successful

person

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

the publisher, there are 70% of the

world

Use synonyms

population habituated to

entertainment

Use synonyms

television

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is a negative factor in watching a

television

Use synonyms

program.

In addition

Linking Words

Use synonyms

box keeps human very busy to neglect other vital tasks to accomplish.

For example

Linking Words

, in

this

Linking Words

cutting-edge

technology

Use synonyms

era,

people

Use synonyms

usually their time

spend

Verb problem

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social media

screen

Fix the agreement mistake

screens

show examples

such

Linking Words

as Apple

Use synonyms

boxes. Because eye care treatment prices immensely plummet, children during the day closely entertain their cartoons.

Hence

Linking Words

, it is crystal clear that

this

Linking Words

demerit view affects human behaviour and major distraction for an entrepreneur. As has been shown,

Television

Use synonyms

is a growing global trend

that is

Linking Words

having a significant impact on the

world

Use synonyms

. Among the more negative effects, serial programs

change

Verb problem

cause

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

woman to behave awkwardly with their partner and could be divorced reason in the future. It is

therefore

Linking Words

important for

people

Use synonyms

to take responsibility and make ethical decisions to make a proper schedule for

entertainment

Use synonyms

purposes.

Submitted by patelhardik2199 on Fri Dec 01 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks clear and logical progression of ideas. The structure is repetitive and many sentences are incoherent. Providing clearer topic sentences and following a logical flow would improve the score.

task achievement

The essay does not provide clear examples or reasons to support its claims. To improve, the candidate should use specific examples to illustrate points and ensure that each paragraph supports the overall argument of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

538 words

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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional food and traditional ways of food preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

One problem faced by almost every large city is traffic congestion. What do you think the causes are? What solutions can you suggest?