Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
Television
entertains people
often and distracts them from the actual goal they set. However
, it is a problem to have such
type of technology
which allows the person
to be lazy. It is strongly agreed that TV
is not good for health reasons to individual hence
this
essay will explain with point why television
can be harmful to the individual in
Change preposition
apply
the
following paragraphs.
The foremost one is that Correct article usage
apply
television
affects all humanity and isolates people
from social gathering activities. Due to
this
consequence, they feel a lack of discipline and motivation which leads to failure to be a successful person
. For instance
, according to
the publisher, there are 70% of the world
population habituated to entertainment
by television
. Thus
, it is clear that
this
is a negative factor in watching a television
program.
In addition
, TV
box keeps human very busy to neglect other vital tasks to accomplish. For example
, in this
cutting-edge technology
era, people
usually their time spend
on Verb problem
apply
the
social media Correct article usage
apply
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
such
as Apple TV
boxes. Because eye care treatment prices immensely plummet, children during the day closely entertain their cartoons. Hence
, it is crystal clear that this
demerit view affects human behaviour and major distraction for an entrepreneur.
As has been shown, Television
is a growing global trend that is
having a significant impact on the world
. Among the more negative effects, serial programs change
Verb problem
cause
the
woman to behave awkwardly with their partner and could be divorced reason in the future. It is Correct article usage
apply
therefore
important for people
to take responsibility and make ethical decisions to make a proper schedule for entertainment
purposes.
Nowadays, Television
entertains people
often and distracts them from the actual goal they set. However
, it is a problem to have such
type of technology
which allows the person
to be lazy. It is strongly agreed that TV
is not good for health reasons to individual hence
this
essay will explain with point why television
can be harmful to the individual in
Change preposition
apply
the
following paragraphs.
The foremost one is that Correct article usage
apply
television
affects all humanity and isolates people
from social gathering activities. Due to
this
consequence, they feel a lack of discipline and motivation which leads to failure to be a successful person
. For instance
, according to
the publisher, there are 70% of the world
population habituated to entertainment
by television
. Thus
, it is clear that
this
is a negative factor in watching a television
program.
In addition
, TV
box keeps human very busy to neglect other vital tasks to accomplish. For example
, in this
cutting-edge technology
era, people
usually their time spend
on Verb problem
apply
the
social media Correct article usage
apply
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
such
as Apple TV
boxes. Because eye care treatment prices immensely plummet, children during the day closely entertain their cartoons. Hence
, it is crystal clear that this
demerit view affects human behaviour and major distraction for an entrepreneur.
As has been shown, Television
is a growing global trend that is
having a significant impact on the world
. Among the more negative effects, serial programs change
Verb problem
cause
the
woman to behave awkwardly with their partner and could be divorced reason in the future. It is Correct article usage
apply
therefore
important for people
to take responsibility and make ethical decisions to make a proper schedule for entertainment
purposes.Submitted by patelhardik2199 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and logical progression of ideas. The structure is repetitive and many sentences are incoherent. Providing clearer topic sentences and following a logical flow would improve the score.
task achievement
The essay does not provide clear examples or reasons to support its claims. To improve, the candidate should use specific examples to illustrate points and ensure that each paragraph supports the overall argument of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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