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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the total numbers of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories from 1995 to 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the total numbers of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories from 1995 to 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#numbers #minutes #billions #telephone #uk #three #categories #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
who
Correct word choice
how
show examples
 many
Use synonyms
mintes
Correct your spelling
minutes
 of call phone in
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three main
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
 namely,local fixed
line
Use synonyms
, national and international- fixed
line
Use synonyms
, and mobiles (all calls) between1995
to
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 fixed
Use synonyms
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
 experienced the
hieghest
Correct your spelling
highest
Use synonyms
mintes
Correct your spelling
minutes
 by
Uk
Use synonyms
resedents
Correct your spelling
residents
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
Use synonyms
mintes
Correct your spelling
minutes
 of mobiles was the lowest'
although
Linking Words
 both it and
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 and international fixed
Use synonyms
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
 witnessed
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend.
Looking at
Verb problem
At
show examples
 first
line
Use synonyms
 which is
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 fixed
line
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
has the greatest number of
Use synonyms
mintes
Correct your spelling
minutes
 by
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 residents during all timespan. It started at more than 70 million of
minutes
Use synonyms
 and continued to
increased
Change the verb
increase
show examples
 from approximately 80 to 90 million of
minutes
Use synonyms
 from1996 to 1999 respectively. It
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
then
Linking Words
alittle
Correct your spelling
a little
little
 dropped to less than 90 in 2000. And in 2002 it had the same amount as it began. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two lines which had similar
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
. Both were
climped
Correct your spelling
climbed
clamped
clumped
 up in all time period and national and international showed more
minutes
Use synonyms
 than all calls. National and international started with less than 40
millon
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
used by people
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 mobile had about under 5 in 1995. Both spiked to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
about just over 60 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 and less than 50 in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Submitted by fatima1173 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words mintes, uk, line, minutes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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