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Band 4.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
In today's society, a significant amount of
salary
 plays a vital role than
job
 satisfaction. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I disagree completely with
this
 statement and provide examples to support my opinion.
Firstly
, money can't buy happiness and make
people
 feel satisfied.
This
 is because
people
 prefer to do stress-free jobs and do care about their health.
However
, money can accomplish the daily needs of life helping in multiple ways but
if
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
falils
Correct your spelling
fails
falls
 to care about
people
's mindsets whether they are satisfied or not.
For instance
 , many
people
 in India quit high-paying IT jobs and prefer to do farming in their own land as per their passion and well-being. That's why it is more essential to choose the kind of
job
 which they feel much happier and comfortable for them.
Secondly
,
job
 satisfaction is necessary for citizen's
career
 growth.
Moreover
,
people
 get motivated and be productive if they are choosing the right field of interest.
Thus
 , it can yield a step-by-step progression in their
career
.
Furthermore
,
people
 feel more energetic and proud of their achievements.
For instance
, a person with a high
salary
 but no improvements in his knowledge
as well as
 the next step in his
career
 may fail
due to
 his lack of interest.
Instead
, a person starting with low wages and making improvements in his knowledge to attain a high position in his
career
 might achieve faster with
Add an article
a
show examples
satisfied feeling.
Thus
, the advantages of jobs towards
career
 growth make the person feel satisfied
outweigh
Correct word choice
and outweigh
show examples
 the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of a low
salary
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-term
Correct word choice
long
show examples
 perspective. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
job
 satisfaction is more beneficial than a high
salary
 because it makes
people
 happier and grows in their careers.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have clear paragraphs that each introduce a single main idea. Transition words should be used to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presented is very basic and lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines your argument. A strong introduction is crucial for a high score.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and ability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarises the main arguments of the essay clearly and concisely.
task achievement
Make sure to address the task promptly. Providing a clear position throughout the essay and maintaining this stance consistently is important for coherence.
task achievement
Developing each idea comprehensively is important. Ensure each paragraph explores the main point with depth and insight.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. The examples given need to be detailed and directly linked to your arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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