Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays,
companies
getting bigger and bigger.Moving to outside large regional areas
both have pros and cones
.Yes, Correct your spelling
cons
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
outweight
the disadvantages surely.
Correct your spelling
outweigh
Firstly
,in crowd
cities, Replace the word
crowded
companies
cannot continue producing well and clean.Because of that, fabrics and big companies
should move their places to wide,empty and finally
far from centers
because producing something is causing a lot of Change the spelling
centres
pollution
.For instance
,while
making one car fabrics cause air pollution
also
they
have toxic waste Correct pronoun usage
apply
and
Correct word choice
apply
lastly
Add a comma
lastly,
this
big Change the determiner
these
companies
need big and deep trash dumping spaces.
In addition
,moving to empty and regional areas
is really helpful for job
opportunity
for local people.Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
For example
, people in the city surely can find a lot of types of job
.Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
On the other hand
, the people in the regional areas
cannot find job
easily.Moving these Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
companies
to Correct article usage
the countrysides
countrysides
or regional places will increase Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
employement
numbers in countries.
In conclusion,Moving fabrics and big Correct your spelling
employment
companies
to regional,large and empty areas
will decrease air pollution
and sound pollution
,Also
this
move will increase job
opportunity
in the country.Because of that advantages Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
outweights
the disadvantages for sure.Correct your spelling
outweighed
Submitted by canberkakkaya1327 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
Your essay lacks complexity in sentence structure and suffers from numerous grammatical errors. Proper punctuation and varied sentence structures are important to improve readability and coherence.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present but are not fully developed. Both should clearly state the main idea and summarise the key points of the essay.
development
Your main points are pertinent, but they need to be supported by more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Expanding on these points will enhance the essay's persuasiveness and depth.
argumentation
The response tends to be repetitive and simplistic. Consider discussing both sides of the argument to produce a more nuanced answer, which is a requirement for a higher band score.
cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is not very clear. Ideas should be organized in a way that they flow naturally from one to the next, with appropriate use of paragraphing and linking words.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
