IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activity
Most
people
 think that the government should ban dangerous
sports
,
On the other hand
, some
people
 support playing dangerous
sports
 because of their freedom to play any
sports
. In
this
 essay, we will talk about both views of the
people
.
Firstly
,
People
 think it is very risky to play dangerous
sports
 because it leads to death or any other effects on
sports
 persons.
For instance
, Snowboarding is one of the most dangerous
sports
 in the world if there are any mistakes made by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person it leads to death. They were afraid that dangerous
sports
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 spread fear to the next generation
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 to avoid many
sports
.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 want to play dangerous
sports
 because they consider that
sports
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a traditional sport.
For example
, in the southern part of India
people
 play kabbadi which is one of the dangerous
sports
 in
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 but
people
 were playing still because they consider it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a traditional sport.
People
 have the freedom to play every sport in the world and each
sports
 give you a different kind of experience to play and it makes
people
 happy to play the
sports
 as long as they wish. If they did not try many games how would they know their particular talents
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have to try as many games
possible
Change preposition
as possible
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In conclusion, I strongly believe that
people
 have their own freedom to play their own
sports
 and they have their own reason to play their
sports
. But I would like
people
 to know the risk
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 dangerous
sports
 and to avoid causing serious accidents and death. So the government need not ban any dangerous
sports
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Style
Try to diversify your sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Coherence
Include a broader variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay and better connect your ideas.
Content
Incorporate more detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments and to give them more depth.
Accuracy
Make sure to thoroughly proofread your essay to catch and correct any grammatical errors and typos.
Content
You have provided a clear and relevant discussion for both views and your own opinion, effectively addressing all parts of the prompt.
Structure
Your essay has a logical structure, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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