Average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience
There is no denying the fact that
people
’s health
is the most crucial thing in the life of humanity. While
it is a commonly held belief that the average standard of folk’s health
is probably to deteriorate in the future compared to these days, there is also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I completely agree with this
view.
To begin
with, the average standard health
of human
is expected to decrease in the next decades, as it is affected by various factors, particularly the surrounding environment. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
In other words
, however
industrial revolution in our era led to huge progress in manufacturing, it has some harmful effects on our habitat like air pollution, which has a direct negative effect on human Add the comma(s)
however,
health
. In addition
, although
the cutting-edge technology in our era helps people
to overcome many obstacles, it makes youth adopt a sedentary lifestyle, which is the main reason for several diseases. For example
, in a published paper about the health
of individuals in the Gulf region, the majority of people
suffer from diabetes and blood
pressure Correct word choice
high blood
due to
following unhealthy lifestyle
.
Another point to consider is stressful conditions, which make Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
people
do
not care about their Unnecessary verb
apply
health
.
It is also
possible to say that most people
are so busy, so they prefer eating Junk food, despite being delicious, it has negative consequences on human health
. Moreover
, scientists do much research in various fields, especially in microbiology, which increase
the risk of creating harmful bacteria or Change the verb form
increases
virus
. Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
For instance
, the appearance of Covid-19, it is thought to be a result of lab experiments.
In conclusion, despite people
having different views, I believe that human health
is more likely to be lower in the future due to
multiple causes, so people
should be aware of that problem, and they should do their best efforts to tackle it.Submitted by sm710129 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next using transition words and phrases.
task achievement
Expand on points with more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen arguments.
logical structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
complete response
The essay covers multiple factors that could contribute to a decline in average health standards, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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