The diagram below shows the manufacturing process of making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process of making sugar from sugar cane.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
diagram shows the process of making sugar from a sugar can. There are seven steps in
this
procedure. Farming
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
until dry
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
contains
Verb problem
are
show examples
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
with seven steps of long-term methods. To start with
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
should continue
within
Change preposition
for
show examples
towel to eighteen months.The second step is to harvest after the mentioned months of times of planning.Harvesting either manually cutting down or with the use of heavy trucks
such
as tractors or bring it down to the ground.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,
show examples
crush it until white juice. As is contain until raw material to juice Filtering is another part of the process to start before heat. During
this
period manufacturers use an evaporator to heat the poured sugar to heat. Makeover when liquid becomes syrup by help from
separate
Wrong verb form
separating
show examples
the
carbohydrate
crystal from syrup
then
gathered into a container for cooling and drying to take its order.
In addition
, in conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
the activity and the
carbohydrate
are produced which is now ready to use.
Submitted by agdanush on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words carbohydrate with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: