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Band 4.5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. Do you agree

#artists #salaries #government #work
At present,
whole
Change the article
the whole
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 world is recovering from covid pandemic and
also
 going through
an
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apply
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immense economic inflation.
Consequently
, people who are professionals in
arts
 are struggling because of decreased financial income.
Hence
,
central
Correct article usage
the central
show examples
 ruling body
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to provide them a financial support in order to encourage them to invent new artistic
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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. In my point of view, these professionals should be given
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
funded aid by the governing authority and the facts are reviewed in the following
assay
Correct your spelling
essay
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. To elaborate
with
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apply
show examples
, during the
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 pandemic
era
Add a comma
era,
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 artists did not have the opportunity to present in public
due to
 restrictions.
For instance
, most stage dramas,
concerts
Correct word choice
and concerts
show examples
 were cancelled for
about
Rephrase
apply
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almost 2 years.
Hence
, they lost their main income and
also
 could not produce new creations.
Therefore
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should agree to deliver a monthly allowance to them to uplift their
confident
Replace the word
confidence
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 in engaging
artistic
Change preposition
in artistic
show examples
 creations.
Furthermore
, decreased source of income
due to
 the huge economic crisis, indigenous
arts
 are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk of
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
extinctic
Correct your spelling
extinct
extinction
. Because the second generations of these inherent aesthetic lineages migrate to different cities seeking new jobs in order to strengthen
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 status of their families.
For example
, traditional masks and puppet crafts which are famous as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
native art in Ambalangoda, now
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 extinct. So governing body need to implement new laws to grant them a stipend to encourage the younger artists. As demonstrated, I greatly support the idea of granting an endowment to art professionals in order to support them during hard times to carry on their creations.
Moreover
, it would ultimately inspire their younger generations to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in
arts
 and uplift the indigenous
arts
.
Submitted by tlakshani005 on

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task achievement
Consider employing a clear thesis statement in the introduction to directly address the prompt and outline your essay's direction. This will help you establish a stronger position and make the essay's goal immediately clear to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have a central idea that relates back to the overarching thesis, using appropriate transition words to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or data where possible. This will add credibility to your argument and demonstrate a deeper level of analysis and insight.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a strong conclusion that not only summarizes the key points discussed but also restates your position on the issue in a decisive manner, reinforcing the arguments you've made.
task achievement
While it is essential to provide examples to support your viewpoint, make sure that these examples are directly linked to your main argument and that they serve to reinforce your specific stance on the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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