SCIENCE ADVANCED SO MUCH THAT IT CAN NOW MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR PEOPLE TO LIVE 100 YEARS OR EVEN 200 YEARS. SOME PEOPLE THINK ITS A GOOD THING, WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS BAD… DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND WRITE YOUR OPINION

#science #people #years #bad…

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Having a long life span of more than 100 years is now possible

due to

Linking Words

the

advancments

Correct your spelling

advances

of science.

While

Linking Words

some

people

Use synonyms

consider

this

Linking Words

phenomenon as a

psitive

Correct your spelling

positive

matter since

this

Linking Words

can help individuals, especially those with a professional degree, to contribute more to their country, there are others who believe that providing old

people

Use synonyms

a longer period of time will

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

cost an extra charge for governments. On the one hand, the longer life span is said to be beneficial for the productivity of each society.

People

Use synonyms

who are given the chance to live longer are

also

Linking Words

able to work longer for their country. It means that individuals who have been founded by officials to study in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public schools and universities

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will be able to work for a longer period of time

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if they live longer.

For instance

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, it takes more than 12 years of higher education for someone to be a general physician,

Linking Words

while

Correct word choice

and

show examples

most of its costs are provided by governments. So If

such

Linking Words

professionals are able to live more to contribute to their society after their graduation, it will be beneficial for the economy of a country.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, old

people

Use synonyms

who are given the chance of living more than 100 years will be an extra burden on the shoulders of authorities. As

people

Use synonyms

grow older, they

wil

Correct your spelling

will

be needing

Wrong verb form

need

show examples

more medical care on a regular basis. In

such

Linking Words

circumstances, a great proportion of medical facilities and

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

will be obliged to give services to these old

people

Use synonyms

. So, authorities should spend more money to keep their

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

system

work

Wrong verb form

working

show examples

properly. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

science

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

help

Wrong verb form

helped

show examples

humans to live for a longer period of time, and as some believe

this

Linking Words

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

those who live longer to contribute to their society more,

this

Linking Words

trend

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

raised some concerns with regard to the extra costs related to the health care system. I believe

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is generally a positive matter because negative aspects could be managed ahead to be reduced in the future.

Submitted by greatsoloist on Fri Dec 01 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure the logical flow of ideas by using a clear topic sentence for each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Work on creating a more cohesive link between sentences within paragraphs.

Task Achievement

The essay presents an adequate treatment of the task with a response that addresses both views. However, it could benefit from more detailed development and the use of examples that are directly relevant to the arguments being presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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