All over the world , societies are facing a growing problem with obesity.This problem affects both children and adults.What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled ?
Over the
last
few years , it has become significant
Add an article
a significant
problem
for children and also
adults to become unhealthy .Today , many Rephrase
apply
people
often consider eating fast foods
as an unimportant thing , and they want to eat more and more fast Fix the agreement mistake
food
food
instead
of homemade food
.In my country , the problem
is becoming worse and worse , and it is important to take steps to prevent eating unhealthy foods.This
essay will look at the main causes of the problem
and propose some solutions.
One of the reasons so many people
are obese is that they eat junk food
, like hamburgers, chips or fried chicken It might be the reason of
Change preposition
apply
people
are getting tired to spend
time Change preposition
of spending
to cook
Change the verb form
cooking
food
at home.The solution is for the government to increase tax on this
kind of fast foods
.Fix the agreement mistake
food
Besides
, there is another reason , which is tey
tend to become indolent.As technology advances , Correct your spelling
they
people
's jobs set off easier and they look good on coach potatoes more and more .To ameliorate this
problem
, government
should increase Add an article
the government
tax
on electricity to prevent Correct article usage
the tax
and
obesity which is caused Correct word choice
apply
to
Change preposition
by
people
who are not easily aroused to activity.
Another cause of obesity is that most both children and adults do not get enough physical exercise .One of the biggest reason
for Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
this
is that is
more high-cost to do sport or going
to a gym Wrong verb form
go
that
it used to be.In many countries , the monthly fees for using a gym are more than £50 which means many Correct word choice
than
people
might not afford it The solution is government
Correct article usage
the government
shoukd
decrease the tax Correct your spelling
should
of
using gyms and Change preposition
on
together with
this
, people
should not rely on the gym , instead
they should try to prepare themselves at home.
To sum up
, instead
of complain
about comfortabilities of gyms , children and adults can easily even walk every single day to prevent and reduce overweighting .Wrong verb form
complaining
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure complete coverage of the task by addressing both parts of the question comprehensively. You've addressed reasons and solutions, but more development is needed.
task achievement
Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive ideas by developing each point thoroughly and ensuring your explanations are fleshed out.
task achievement
Include more relevant specific examples to support your points. This can involve studies, statistics, personal observations or detailed scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one central idea and be followed clearly by the subsequent paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Make sure an introduction and conclusion are present, but also ensure that they clearly outline the topic and summarize the main points respectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear explanations or examples. Avoid overly general statements that do not add value to your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?