All over the world , societies are facing a growing problem with obesity.This problem affects both children and adults.What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled ?

Over the
last
few years , it has become
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
problem
for children and
also
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apply
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adults to become unhealthy .Today , many
people
often consider eating fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
as an unimportant thing , and they want to eat more and more fast
food
instead
of homemade
food
.In my country , the
problem
is becoming worse and worse , and it is important to take steps to prevent eating unhealthy foods.
This
essay will look at the main causes of the
problem
and propose some solutions. One of the reasons so many
people
are obese is that they eat junk
food
, like hamburgers, chips or fried chicken It might be the reason
of
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apply
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people
are getting tired
to spend
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of spending
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time
to cook
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cooking
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food
at home.The solution is for the government to increase tax on
this
kind of fast
foods
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food
show examples
.
Besides
, there is another reason , which is
tey
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
tend to become indolent.As technology advances ,
people
's jobs set off easier and they look good on coach potatoes more and more .To ameliorate
this
problem
,
government
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the government
show examples
should increase
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
on electricity to prevent
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
obesity which is caused
to
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by
show examples
people
who are not easily aroused to activity. Another cause of obesity is that most both children and adults do not get enough physical exercise .One of the biggest
reason
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reasons
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for
this
is
that is
more high-cost to do sport or
going
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go
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to a gym
that
Correct word choice
than
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it used to be.In many countries , the monthly fees for using a gym are more than £50 which means many
people
might not afford it The solution is
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
shoukd
Correct your spelling
should
decrease the tax
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
using gyms and
together with
this
,
people
should not rely on the gym ,
instead
they should try to prepare themselves at home.
To sum up
,
instead
of
complain
Wrong verb form
complaining
show examples
about comfortabilities of gyms , children and adults can easily even walk every single day to prevent and reduce overweighting .
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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task achievement
Ensure complete coverage of the task by addressing both parts of the question comprehensively. You've addressed reasons and solutions, but more development is needed.
task achievement
Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive ideas by developing each point thoroughly and ensuring your explanations are fleshed out.
task achievement
Include more relevant specific examples to support your points. This can involve studies, statistics, personal observations or detailed scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one central idea and be followed clearly by the subsequent paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Make sure an introduction and conclusion are present, but also ensure that they clearly outline the topic and summarize the main points respectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear explanations or examples. Avoid overly general statements that do not add value to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Overweight
  • Epidemic
  • Sedentary
  • Processed food
  • Fast food
  • Nutritional education
  • Awareness
  • Stress
  • Emotional eating
  • Genetic factors
  • Access
  • Healthy food options
  • Marketing
  • Urbanization
  • Lifestyles
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