Some believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

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A death of employment is a headache for many nations which
give
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gives
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rise to a very interesting question : are enterprises better off retiring their old workers earlier than 55 years in order to create more jobs and promotions for
youngsters
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? Understandably,
this
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would open fresh opportunities for our youth;
however
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,
i
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I
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do not completely agree because
they
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apply
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elderly
employees
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are
also
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vital for a company's growth. The main reason why I agree that the current norm of retirement age should be lowered stems from the fact that joblessness and a sense of career stagnation are prevalent among our young generation. It is a simple mathematics that
lesser
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the lesser
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the number of old
employees
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in
economy
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the economy
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, the more
youngmen
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young people
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will take up those vacancies.
This
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is auspicious in a way that a youngster not only
get
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gets
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a job but could
also
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improves
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improve
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his quality of life. Another rationale, I opine, in the favour of
youngsters
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if old
people
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retire earlier is that it could potentially
accelarate
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accelerate
the career growth of a young professional.Given the fact that
old aged
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old-aged
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employees
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often occupy higher positions in a company,
such
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as that of CEO, Manager and so on, it is likely for young professionals to be promoted to fill those positions in
the
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apply
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companies where
people
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are not allowed to work after the age of 55 years. Having said that,
an
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the
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indispensable
business
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experience of old
employees
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cannot be ignored and is vital for a company's progress.
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for
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For
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example,
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apply
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whereas
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their years of expertise in various
business
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domains are crucial for framing
business
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policies in
a
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apply
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changing market dynamics,
such
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experience is
also
Linking Words
necessary to train new
employees
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to increase their productivity. In conclusion, the success of a
business
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involves
interplay
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the interplay
an interplay
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of various factors which
also
Linking Words
requires a combination of
vigor
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vigour
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and experience.
Although
Linking Words
youngsters
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can bring novel ideas and new energy
in
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to
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workplaces,
resultantly
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resulting
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,
diminishing
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in diminishing
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the youth's unemployment rate and
also
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helping them
in gaining
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gain
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a promotion at work, the past
business
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accomplishments of
people
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in their 50s
is
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are
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also
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of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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paramount significance in order to mentor and guide young apprentices.
Therefore
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, I somewhat believe that the
people
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retiring earlier have plausible benefits for our
youngsters
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rohit.narad90 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is generally clear but could benefit from a more cohesive structure. Use clear topic sentences to lead each paragraph, and ensure that there is a clear connection between each idea. Logical connectors need to be used more effectively to guide the reader through your argument without confusion.
task achievement
You present a response that somewhat addresses the task. However, the position throughout the response is sometimes unclear. Providing clear and consistent opinions in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion strengthens the argument. In addition, make sure that all parts of the task are addressed equally and relevant examples are provided to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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