Some believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?
A death of employment is a headache for many nations which
give
rise to a very interesting question : are enterprises better off retiring their old workers earlier than 55 years in order to create more jobs and promotions for Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
youngsters
? Understandably, this
would open fresh opportunities for our youth; however
, i
do not completely agree because Change the capitalization
I
they
elderly Correct pronoun usage
apply
employees
are also
vital for a company's growth.
The main reason why I agree that the current norm of retirement age should be lowered stems from the fact that joblessness and a sense of career stagnation are prevalent among our young generation. It is a simple mathematics that lesser
the number of old Correct article usage
the lesser
employees
in economy
, the more Correct article usage
the economy
youngmen
will take up those vacancies. Correct your spelling
young people
This
is auspicious in a way that a youngster not only get
a job but could Change the verb form
gets
also
improves
his quality of life.
Another rationale, I opine, in the favour of Change the verb form
improve
youngsters
if old people
retire earlier is that it could potentially accelarate
the career growth of a young professional.Given the fact that Correct your spelling
accelerate
old aged
Add a hyphen
old-aged
employees
often occupy higher positions in a company, such
as that of CEO, Manager and so on, it is likely for young professionals to be promoted to fill those positions in the
companies where Correct article usage
apply
people
are not allowed to work after the age of 55 years.
Having said that, an
indispensable Correct article usage
the
business
experience of old employees
cannot be ignored and is vital for a company's progress.for
example,Capitalize word
For
Correct word choice
apply
whereas
their years of expertise in various business
domains are crucial for framing business
policies in a
changing market dynamics, Correct article usage
apply
such
experience is also
necessary to train new employees
to increase their productivity.
In conclusion, the success of a business
involves interplay
of various factors which Add an article
the interplay
an interplay
also
requires a combination of vigor
and experience. Change the spelling
vigour
Although
youngsters
can bring novel ideas and new energy in
workplaces, Change preposition
to
resultantly
, Correct your spelling
resulting
diminishing
the youth's unemployment rate and Change preposition
in diminishing
also
helping them in gaining
a promotion at work, the past Wrong verb form
gain
business
accomplishments of people
in their 50s is
Change the verb form
are
also
of the
paramount significance in order to mentor and guide young apprentices. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, I somewhat believe that the people
retiring earlier have plausible benefits for our youngsters
.Submitted by rohit.narad90 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay is generally clear but could benefit from a more cohesive structure. Use clear topic sentences to lead each paragraph, and ensure that there is a clear connection between each idea. Logical connectors need to be used more effectively to guide the reader through your argument without confusion.
task achievement
You present a response that somewhat addresses the task. However, the position throughout the response is sometimes unclear. Providing clear and consistent opinions in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion strengthens the argument. In addition, make sure that all parts of the task are addressed equally and relevant examples are provided to support your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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