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Band 5.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #advance #technology
In today's world,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 continuous
development
 of
technology
 , criminal activities are now more easily detected and prevented.
People
 believe that
this
development
 contributed to reducing crime rates. I will completely agree with
this
 statement and give my supportive points in
this
 essay. First of all, why is the
development
 of
technology
 more beneficial to
decline
Change the form of the verb
declining
show examples
 crime rates
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Governments have a lot of opportunities to identify criminals
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 can install security cameras
as well as
 automatic alarms in our streets.
As a result
 of
this
, police officers are able to detect easily in any situation and the number of illegal races is decreasing.
For example
,
although
 kidnapping, robbery and hijacking are rated highly, the impact of advanced
technology
 can be able to prevent and tackle these problems.
Besides
 that, criminals who commit infractions can
identify
Wrong verb form
be identified
show examples
 sooner compared to the past.
Therefore
,
technology
's faster
development
 can help prevent and reduce crime problems.
On the other hand
, advanced
technology
 has a positive impact on both society and individuals. Admittedly, with the help of Interest sources and digital platforms,
people
 can be aware of wrongdoers by their images or different information in the media.
This
 situation can help to avoid them or call police officers as much as possible.
Moreover
, some elderly
people
 do not know how to use the internet and the younger generation should teach them. Because of the lack of understanding,
people
 can be tricked by online trafficking. In conclusion, technological advancements not only can help prevent many crimes in society but
also
 handle these problems in special ways.
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear logical progression throughout your essay. Ideas should be arranged in a manner that is easy to follow and should include cohesive devices to help connect thoughts and sentences.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to include an introductory paragraph that clearly states your main argument and a conclusion that effectively summarizes your key points. Both of these should be clearly present and coherent with the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and fully developed ideas. Your examples should be relevant, detailed, and enhance the reader's understanding of your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your response should be complete, directly responding to the task's prompt with clear ideas and relevant examples.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas comprehensively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is explained and expanded upon, relating directly back to the question posed in the prompt.
task achievement
While a few examples were provided, aim to include more relevant, specific examples that directly support your argument and demonstrate a wider range of evidence for your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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