Nowadays children spend lots of time watching television and playing conputers games. However, it does not help in improving children's mental abilities do you agree or disagree.

In
this
era, watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
and playing computer are the most activity that young people spend more time
, but
Add a missing verb
doing, but
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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support
in
Change preposition
apply
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increasing children's mental abilities. I
am totally agree
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totally agree
show examples
with
this
statement. There are more negative impacts because children
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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focus
to study
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on
school
and these activities could make children
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
friendships. People believe that if students
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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television and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
games too much, they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
focus
to study
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on
school
. Most of them have bad
ranking
Fix the agreement mistake
rankings
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and
score
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scores
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on
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in
show examples
school
because in their mind just
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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about watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
and playing games. My little sister is an example. she was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
senior high
school
in 2008, and
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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structure
Ensure that the essay structure includes a clear introduction, supported main points, and conclusion. These elements are missing or underdeveloped, resulting in a lack of logical structure and clarity.
development
Strengthen the support for main points with relevant examples and explanations. Currently, the examples used are insufficient and incomplete, not fully illustrating the arguments.
task response
Adequately address the prompt, ensuring that the response is complete and offers a clear, comprehensive argument on the effects of television and computer games on mental abilities.
cohesion
Refine the connection between ideas for better flow and coherence. Transition words should be used between sentences and paragraphs to establish a clear line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Passive activities
  • Active learning
  • Problem-solving
  • Addictive
  • Attention spans
  • Educational tasks
  • Screen time
  • Academic performance
  • Intellectual development
  • Cognitive skills
  • Critical thinking
  • Imagination
  • Creativity
  • Controlled exposure
  • Curated content
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