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Writing Samples /
Band 3

In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions?

#places #people
People from different generations have different focuses and factors to support their living.
For example
, healthy
aging
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ageing
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 is an issue gaining popularity among the baby boomer generation. Most of the boomers are at the age of retirement and potentially experience age-related degeneration.
Therefore
, the boomers will more focus on health at
this
 stage of their lives. Gen-Z is the generation
grown
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growing
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 up with social media and technologies that shape their current
behaviors
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behaviours
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, demands, and aspects of living. Other generations may have different focuses and aspects of living depending on their demands and experiences. In my opinion, socialization and communication are crucial for human living, especially in understanding people from different backgrounds. Empathy
also
 plays a pivotal role in effective communication in a peaceful manner. By communicating and sharing our experiences and needs with empathy, we can better understand each other. Sometimes, we may need to be a good listener so that we can find it not that difficult to communicate with people from different generations.
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coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to organize the essay into discernible parts, however, the logical structure is somewhat lacking as the points do not build upon each other in a clear manner. To improve, ensure that each new sentence and paragraph logically follows from what was previously stated, guiding the reader through your argument step by step.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but are not effective in setting up the topic and summarizing the main points. An introduction should clearly state the problem and outline the solutions you will discuss. A conclusion should briefly recap the main points discussed in the body and clearly state your position or a final thought. Make sure to define both with more precision to guide the reader.
task achievement
You did address the topic, but the response needs to be more complete. Expand on the points by giving clear and directly relevant examples to support them. In IELTS, it's critical to provide concrete examples that directly relate to the prompt. Refer back to the question throughout the essay to ensure you are addressing all parts of the task.
task achievement
The ideas presented often feel incomplete or tangentially related to the question. Each paragraph should contribute a clear idea that is fully explained and relevant to the question. Expanding on your ideas with clarified reasoning or examples will help to make your essay comprehensive and complete.
task achievement
The essay lacks the use of specific examples; these are necessary to illustrate your points and make the essay persuasive. Without them, the essay is unconvincing and incomplete. Next time, include concrete and relevant examples to support each point, ideally by drawing from a range of sources or personal experience to demonstrate depth of understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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