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Band 4

In the modern world¬, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

#world¬ #animals #food #products #medicines
In
Add an article
the advance
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advance
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advanced
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world
Add a comma
world,
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 there is no need to depend on
animals
 for
diet
 and medication and
dresses
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dress
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.
This
 essay totally agrees with
this
 statement because there are many options to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 requirements and
due to
 advancements in technology Many
people's
Unnecessary verb
people
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nowadays are vegetarian they completely depend on vegetables for their
diet
 and
this
 healthy and complete balance
diet
 because all the
type
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types
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 of necessary nutrients we can get from different kinds of fruits and green
leafs
Correct your spelling
leaves
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 like minerals vitamins and protein .
moreover
 we can
also
 get medicational properties from variants
hurbs
Correct your spelling
herbs
 and shrubs .MAny people quit the usage of beef mutton and milk and their
diet
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 living
healthy
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a healthy
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life
.
for
Capitalize word
For
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 example
a
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apply
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research by
American
Correct article usage
the American
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 health society
show
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shows
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 that people who consume less
carbohydrates containing
Correct your spelling
carbohydrate-containing
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 food are less likely to get cardiovascular disease.
Hence
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 proof that for living
life
 there is
a
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an
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 option. Other than
animals
. With the growing technology each and
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
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thing
Correct your spelling
everything
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 is made easy peasy for humans
like
Correct word choice
apply
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there are many companies which produce synthetic leather which is not made
by
Change preposition
from
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 the skin of
animals
.on
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apply
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ther
Correct your spelling
the
 hand pharmaceutical companies
has
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have
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 been growing rapidly and making medicines from the combination of plants and chemicals .
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 a company
im
Correct your spelling
in
 America made
a
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apply
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insulin in labs which had been made by the
intestine
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intestines
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 of
ship
Fix the agreement mistake
ships
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from
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for
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 many years .Each and every thing is available in
market
Add an article
the market
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 having
complete
Correct article usage
a complete
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 package so it is
prove
Correct your spelling
proven
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 that there is no need to use
animals
 to live
life
 in
this
 era . In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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although
animals
 provide many benefits
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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there are many alternatives to
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 healthy and long
life
 without them and in
forecoming
Correct your spelling
forthcoming
 there will be no need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 class .
Submitted by asrakazmi447 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. An effective organization structure should include clear paragraphs, each introducing a new idea and progressing smoothly to the next. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be used to maintain flow.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, both lack a clear thesis statement and summarization of main points, respectively. Make sure your introduction sets out the argument clearly, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the points made without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Main points are not adequately supported by specific examples and explanations. For a higher score, substantiate each point with relevant details and clear examples. This develops the argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your response covers the task, but it is incomplete. A fully developed answer would explore both sides of the argument, even if you agree with one side. Cover all parts of the task question thoroughly.
task achievement
Your ideas are pertinent to the topic, but lack clarity and depth. Aim for well-articulated points that convey your ideas unambiguously and with comprehensive detail.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your argument. Whilst some examples are provided, they are generic and do not convincingly back the essay's stance. Detailed examples enhance the reader's understanding and the essay's persuasiveness.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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