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Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. What might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organization #be #case
Today , most employees choose to
work
 for themselves, rather than working in industry .
This
 essay focuses on a reason and the disadvantages of being self-employed . One of the biggest reasons is that the workers can feel more comfortable when they
work
 for themselves .
In other words
 , they can control their working hours to suit their living times.Not only that, It
also
 helps employees have more private space so your
work
 efficiency will increase.
For example
 ,many people have become happy and strong after they
work
 for themselves .
As a result
, they can balance their
work
 and leisure time . The main disadvantage of being self-employed
have
Wrong verb form
is having
show examples
 to face risk .
This
 means that they must compete with big companies which can make them bankrupt in failure .
As a consequence
, they can lose all of the money which was created . In conclusion, people choose to be self-employed because of less stress than working for a company and they have to face a disadvantage
such
 as facing risks.
Submitted by nemm0312 on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider providing a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the direction your essay will take. This could help to improve the clarity of your introduction and conclusion.
logical structure
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure your ideas are logically sequenced. This could include more varied transition words and better paragraph structuring for a smoother flow of ideas throughout your essay.
supported main points
When you introduce main points, it is crucial to develop them fully. Use detailed and relevant examples to support each point you make, ensuring they are well-explained and contribute to the overall argument of your essay.
complete response
For a higher score in 'task achievement', ensure you address all parts of the task. Your essay should discuss the reasons people choose self-employment and its disadvantages in balanced measure, but here, the disadvantages are only briefly mentioned at the end.
clear comprehensive ideas
Maintain clarity throughout your essay with a comprehensive development of ideas. While you've identified key ideas, expanding on them in depth will fully display your understanding of the topic and enhance the quality of your content.
relevant specific examples
Include a wider range of relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. The example provided is somewhat vague and could be made much more concrete with additional details and evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
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