IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
A
sport
 is a form of activity that incorporates physical and mental
skills
 to create a genre of entertainment which is commonly done as a
team
. Because of the impact it has on the mind and body, playing a
team
sport
 is a good way to teach
children
 life
skills
such
 as cooperation. As a child, it is difficult to sit in class and concentrate
while
 having an excessive amount of energy.
This
 is why allowing them to participate in a
sport
 as part of their curriculum is crucial. The feeling of synergy when being with friends, in the outdoors and running around as much as possible is indescribable. They are using up all their energy without even thinking about it
while
 exercising and becoming fit. By the time they are in class, they are ready to concentrate.
This
 is one reason
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 sports
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
children
 to cooperate in a school setting.
Furthermore
, there would be a set of rules that a
team
 needs to abide by so that they are able to win. If the chosen
sport
 is football, each position would have to communicate
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when to pass the ball, work with each other as a
team
 to identify the strengths but
also
 follow the rules. If at any point the rules are not followed, a yellow or red card
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be given.
This
 shows that there are consequences if restrictions are not abided by. The
children
 would be learning about teamwork, communication and cooperation
while
 simultaneously having fun.
Team
 sports are beneficial when it comes to teaching the younger generation. It is a great educational tool that provides life
skills
, fitness and fun times all at once. Because of
this
, it is the best way to teach
children
 about life
skills
 like cooperation.
Submitted by tshenkengm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer structure to your essay, outlining your main points more precisely and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed and concluded.
task achievement
Although you have presented a clear opinion, you could improve by exploring counterarguments to provide a more balanced view. Furthermore, fully address the prompt by explicitly stating the extent to which you agree or disagree.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: