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Band 5

Nowadays a lot of young people use social media. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media
In
the
Correct article usage
a
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 society of technology, it is not difficult to
use
 networking,
especial
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especially
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
. In my point of view, there are more benefits
outweighing
Wrong verb form
outweigh
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 drawbacks and
this
 essay will discuss the reasons. The development of technology
make
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makes
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 chances for young people to
use
 social networking without any knowledge of protection themselves.
Firstly
, there are many scammers
in
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on
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 these
type
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types
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 of digital platforms that juveniles do not know how to avoid them.
As a result
, they can deal with dangerous situations
such
 as
lost
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loss
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 of money.
Moreover
, because of acknowledge
about
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of
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this
 social networking platform,
youngsters
 might upload their personal information public by chance.
Therefore
, their real life can be in danger, and scammers can
use
these information
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this information
show examples
 to do illegal
works
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work
show examples
. For these reasons, until
youngsters
 are prepared
enough
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with enough
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knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 to protect themselves
in
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on
show examples
this
 platform, parents should not
allowing
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allow
be allowing
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 them to
use
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use it
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.
However
, teenagers have
permissions
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permission
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 to
use
 technological devices because of
its
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their
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 variety of benefits. First of all, social media brings children a large
soure
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source
 of
relationship
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relationships
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 from the whole world. To
further
 explain, because of the
connecting
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connections
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 around the world,
youngsters
 can make friends in
the
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apply
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other nations and improve their relationships.
Moreover
, they can exchange their national cultures with their friends,
therefore
 not only their knowledge is improved but
also
 their cultures are shared
to
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with
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 people in the other nations.
Finally
, more and more
youngsters
 are learning foreign languages. For that reason, if they can contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local people through social networking and talk with them regularly, their ability of language will increase significantly. Because of these reasons, using social networking brings
youngsters
 many opportunities to mature and improve themselves. In conclusion,
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
allowing juveniles
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
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 social networks early will have both negative and positive
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
.
However
, in my opinion, it brings more benefits than drawbacks to them.
Submitted by lethigialinh77 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the question and provides a clear stance. However, to enhance Task Achievement, ensure that you directly address the question throughout the essay, providing a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages with relevant examples. Enhance clarity by precisely linking your arguments to the question. Aim to provide specific examples that directly illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
You have an understandable structure with an introduction and conclusion. To improve Coherence and Cohesion, make use of a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques. Clarify the progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next, ensuring each new point logically follows from the preceding one, thus aiding the flow of your essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global connectivity
  • Knowledge sharing
  • Social engagement
  • Digital marketing
  • Networking opportunities
  • Cybersecurity
  • Online privacy
  • Digital literacy
  • Social awareness
  • Echo chamber effect
  • Information overload
  • Digital footprint
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