Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, technology has become inseparable from our lifestyles, impacting not only adults but
also
children
. As a consequence
, contemporary children
often find themselves glued to smartphones
for extended periods. This
essay will delve into the underlying reasons and highlight the potential negative impacts.
A profound reason for this
behavior
is the influence of parental actions. Primarily, Change the spelling
behaviour
due to
the demanding nature of work for most parents
, ensuring their children
are well-behaved becomes a necessity, and smartphones
serve as a convenient tool for achieving this
goal. Additionally
, children
learn through observation, and witnessing their parents
' relationships with smartphones
inadvertently encourages them to emulate the same behavior
. The availability of dedicated YouTube channels for kids serves as evidence supporting Change the spelling
behaviour
this
trend. For instance
, during visits to family restaurants, one can observe children
being fed in their chairs while
engrossed in smartphones
to maintain composure and minimize unnecessary physical movement. The excessive use of smartphones
is, therefore
, unintentionally imparted by parents
.
This
behavioral
pattern undoubtedly leads to negative consequences, primarily affecting health. Prolonged periods of inactivity can diminish physical abilities and social skills. The human body is not designed for a sedentary lifestyle, and extended periods of sitting and screen scrolling may result in posture and bone-related issues, Change the spelling
behavioural
not to mention
potential eyesight problems due to
prolonged screen exposure. Furthermore
, isolating oneself at home to engage with gadgets diminishes the ability to socialize with others. Humans are inherently social creatures, and the inability to interact with peers may lead to mental health issues, potentially contributing to an increase in depression cases over time.
In conclusion, it is evident that children
's excessive engagement with gadgets is influenced by their parents
' habits, whether through observation or encouragement. Regardless of the root cause, this
behavior
has detrimental effects on both physical and mental health.Change the spelling
behaviour
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure with logical sequencing, which facilitates understanding. However, there's room for improvement in linking ideas and arguments together more coherently.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were included but they could be made stronger. Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph needs a clear main idea and supporting details. Ensure that all statements are supported with relevant, specific examples, and arguments are fully elaborated.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task adequately. To improve, make sure to explore all parts of the task in depth, including reasons, consequences, and your opinion on whether it's a positive or negative development.
task achievement
To enhance clarity, your ideas should be fully developed with comprehensive arguments. Consider the complexity of the issue and include more detailed discussions.
task achievement
While you provided relevant examples, it is essential to further support your arguments with varied and specific illustrations that show a deeper analysis of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example