Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, technology has become inseparable from our lifestyles, impacting not only adults but

also

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children

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As a consequence

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, contemporary

children

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often find themselves glued to

smartphones

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for extended periods.

This

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essay will delve into the underlying reasons and highlight the potential negative impacts. A profound reason for

this

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behavior

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behaviour

show examples

is the influence of parental actions. Primarily,

due to

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the demanding nature of work for most

parents

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, ensuring their

children

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are well-behaved becomes a necessity, and

smartphones

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serve as a convenient tool for achieving

this

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goal.

Additionally

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children

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learn through observation, and witnessing their

parents

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' relationships with

smartphones

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inadvertently encourages them to emulate the same

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. The availability of dedicated YouTube channels for kids serves as evidence supporting

this

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trend.

For instance

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, during visits to family restaurants, one can observe

children

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being fed in their chairs

while

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engrossed in

smartphones

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to maintain composure and minimize unnecessary physical movement. The excessive use of

smartphones

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is,

therefore

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, unintentionally imparted by

parents

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This

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behavioral

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behavioural

show examples

pattern undoubtedly leads to negative consequences, primarily affecting health. Prolonged periods of inactivity can diminish physical abilities and social skills. The human body is not designed for a sedentary lifestyle, and extended periods of sitting and screen scrolling may result in posture and bone-related issues,

not to mention

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potential eyesight problems

due to

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prolonged screen exposure.

Furthermore

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, isolating oneself at home to engage with gadgets diminishes the ability to socialize with others. Humans are inherently social creatures, and the inability to interact with peers may lead to mental health issues, potentially contributing to an increase in depression cases over time. In conclusion, it is evident that

children

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's excessive engagement with gadgets is influenced by their

parents

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' habits, whether through observation or encouragement. Regardless of the root cause,

this

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behavior

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behaviour

show examples

has detrimental effects on both physical and mental health.

ru.kabiru.biruSat Dec 02 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates a clear structure with logical sequencing, which facilitates understanding. However, there's room for improvement in linking ideas and arguments together more coherently.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion were included but they could be made stronger. Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion convincingly.

coherence cohesion

Each paragraph needs a clear main idea and supporting details. Ensure that all statements are supported with relevant, specific examples, and arguments are fully elaborated.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task adequately. To improve, make sure to explore all parts of the task in depth, including reasons, consequences, and your opinion on whether it's a positive or negative development.

task achievement

To enhance clarity, your ideas should be fully developed with comprehensive arguments. Consider the complexity of the issue and include more detailed discussions.

task achievement

While you provided relevant examples, it is essential to further support your arguments with varied and specific illustrations that show a deeper analysis of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

When researching people's personalities and abilities, scientists debate the role that their biological genes play compared to the impact of their environment, including their experiences as they grow up. Which do you think is a more powerful influence– genetics or environment? Why?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Most adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50persent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extend do you agree?