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Band 2.5

The percentage of people who are five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

#percentage #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #uk
The illustration demonstrates the penetration of people in the UK who consumed five plates of fruits and vegetables during a day in 8 years, from 2001 to 2008. In general, women have a higher percentage of healthy foods compared to men and children. There was a significant increase
of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumption across all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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genders, from 2001 and hit its peak in 2006. After that, the
trend
 fell down in the next 3 years. Usually, women have at least 25% of healthy
food’s
Change noun form
food
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possession
Fix the agreement mistake
possessions
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,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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men and children have a lower percentage, around almost
second-third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
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 and one-third of the women’s penetration respectively.
In addition
, the healthy
trend
 for the group of people has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased gradually per year to almost double since it started in 2001. Unfortunately, the positive growth only remained until 2006. Starting from 2006 to 2007, the group of users
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experienced
the
Correct article usage
a
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differences
Replace the word
different
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trend
. Women faced a negative
trend
 which lowered by around 5% and it continued to 2008,
while
 men kept the penetration
to remain
Verb problem
apply
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stable.
In contrast
, the children showed an upward
trend
 in 2007.
However
, all of the groups experienced similar growth in 2008, which is a downward momentum.
Submitted by yghome281020 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential components for structuring the argument effectively. It's important to start with an introductory paragraph that outlines the main topic and end with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and reflects on the implications or significance of the data.
coherence cohesion
There are issues with the logical structure of the essay, leading to confusion and difficulty in following the argument. The information should be organized in a systematic and logical manner, with clear connections between the points made.
task achievement
The essay contains some relevant examples and attempts to support the main points but lacks detail and specificity in places. It would benefit from including more precise data and clear examples to back up the claims made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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