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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In today's evolving world,
health
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
 lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many kinds of treatment are available nowadays, including traditional methods of healthcare
as well as
Linking Words
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
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. It is argued that
,
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apply
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number
Change the article
the number
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 of people who try
alternative
Use synonyms
 treatments
instead
Linking Words
 of visiting their usual doctor
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 action presents some advantages, I believe that the drawbacks associated with it are far greater. There
some
Add a missing verb
are some
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 drawbacks of
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
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. First of all,
this
Linking Words
 type of treatment is not scientifically proven and
this
Linking Words
 one does not provide complete recovery.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
 methods
are
Verb problem
have
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gain
Wrong verb form
gained
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a
Remove the article
apply
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popularity
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society, they can be harmful and even wrong. One of the main causes of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 can be
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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artificial professionals who offer their
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation is made worse because individuals do not verify them.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
health
Use synonyms
 problems tend to
getting
Change the verb form
get
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 worse. Good examples include paramedics in the mass starvation time in the Kazakh steppe who came in the yurts but
do
Wrong verb form
did
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 not provide substantial recovery. Despite
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 there are several advantages to avoiding regular doctors. Personally, I think that
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 system should be free but there are some countries that encourage paid-for recoveries.
Moreover
Linking Words
, hospitals are often overcrowded and the queues tend to be large, but there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 no policies regarding
this
Linking Words
 issue. Another benefit of
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
Use synonyms
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 accessibility, which is at home.
In other words
Linking Words
, you should not go to the crowded hospitals and wait. In my opinion,
alternative
Use synonyms
 treatment is more effective in terms of providing a healthy lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, acupuncture which was very popular in China in the
last
Linking Words
 decade can positively affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
blood circulation
as well as
Linking Words
 remove muscle tension. In conclusion, the public
health
Use synonyms
 system should be improved.
As a result
Linking Words
,
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
Use synonyms
 will be less competitive, which lead to
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
show examples
 of regular doctors. Yet,
alternative
Use synonyms
 treatments present more disadvantages than benefits, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can change in the future
as well as
Linking Words
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
an overall
the overall
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 system, where there will be some innovative policies.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure introduction and conclusion clearly state your opinion on the topic and that they mirror each other. The closing paragraph should distinctly restate the perspective offered in the introduction, providing a sense of closure to the reader.
Logical Structure
Make certain that the overall structure of the essay follows a clear and logical progression. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic that supports the overall thesis of the essay, with smooth transitions between them.
Supporting Main Points
Extend and support the main points with specific details or examples. Relevant examples or data can strengthen an argument and illustrate your points more effectively.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Ensure each argument is fully developed and not just stated. Elaborate on how the argument supports the main thesis and provide sufficient detail for the reader to understand its relevance.
Relevant Specific Examples
Use specific, real-world examples to support arguments. Generic statements should be replaced with concrete examples, which help to illustrate points more effectively to the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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