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Band 4

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #impact #people’s #lives
Nowadays, the
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
 industry growing rapidly,
hence
, sparking
debate
Add an article
a debate
show examples
 that
people
 are forced to view or listen to these advertisements and it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 negatively to
people
's lives. I partially agree with the statement because there are many negatives that can not be ignored
however
, there are a few positives as well.
To begin
 with, excessive advertising is responsible for diverting minds and generating unnecessary needs among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
.
For example
, Coca-Cola or Pepsi flooded the television and radio with their advertisements, and
people
 are buying them like crazy, even knowing the disadvantages.
Additionally
,
people
 are influenced by the use of their role models; sadly, they pretend to use these products,
whereas
 the truth is nowhere near.
However
, the advertisement
also
 has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive side where
people
 get to know about many important products and services.
The companies
Correct article usage
Companies
show examples
 spend huge to spread
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 products, services, events etc for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
additional reach, and it depends on an individual to act or just ignore them.
Moreover
,
Additionally
, a recent study shows that the advertising industry is one of the major industries and plays an important role in
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
 GDP.
Moreover
, governments are earning huge income from
this
 industry and using it for the
further
 development of the country.
To conclude
, I would like to assert that
although
people
 are directed towards man-made trends and influenced
as per
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their own wishes, advertisement still provides many important benefits, like helping the country's GDP and promoting their own goods and services, which
people
 can use for their benefits
Submitted by hiteshpaul on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure; the ideas presented should flow in a logical sequence with clear transitions between points. This essay lacks some connectivity between paragraphs, making the overall argument less convincing.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position and effectively summarize the arguments. This essay presents both but could strengthen the conclusion with a more decisive statement supporting your position.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with well-developed arguments and relevant examples. The essay provides general examples, but they could be made more specific and tied directly to the essay's argument for greater impact.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt by providing a complete response that demonstrates your ability to understand and develop the essay topic. The response here partially addresses the topic but misses some depth and detail in the argumentation.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas comprehensively; each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is thoroughly explained and supported. The essay's ideas need to be expanded with more elaboration for the reader to fully grasp the argument's nuances.
task achievement
When providing examples, ensure they are directly relevant and specific to the argument being made. Avoid generic statements that do not add value to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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