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In some countries,young people are encouraged to work or travel between finishing high school and high school school.Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages for young people who decides to do so

#countries #people #work #travel #school
In recent years, there have been numerous
people
 who encourage teenagers to work or travel after finishing senior high school. As
such
, there are merits and demerits to
this
 trend,
although
 I opine that its demerits outweigh the merits. Even though going
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holiday and doing
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 are
tempted
Replace the word
tempting
show examples
, preparing to get
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 prestigious university is
also
 important. In
this
 essay, I will examine all the relevant facets based on factual premises. There are several reasons to support
this
 idea. The most predominant one is that they can be more independent
while
help
Change the verb form
helping
show examples
 their parents financially.
Moreover
, teenagers should start doing part-time jobs;
therefore
 they might be provided some skills that can help them in their future careers.
In addition
, going to travel and meeting numerous
people
 can build their
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 and social life.
Furthermore
, young
people
 should have explored a lot of things before they start building their own families or careers.
However
, preparing themselves to enter universities is not simple especially if they want to apply to prestigious universities.
Moreover
, they must work harder to match
university's
Correct article usage
the university's
show examples
 requirements. Nowadays, the entry requirement is more complicated and needs efforts to obtain it.
For example
, teenagers should join courses,
do
Correct word choice
and do
show examples
 numerous practices
due to
 tight competition;
therefore
, they can easily achieve their dream In conclusion, going around and having a
relax
Change the verb form
relaxed
show examples
 life are important;
however
, young
people
 must calculate the advantages and disadvantages before deciding it.
In addition
, they can still holiday;
nevertheless
, their future careers must be prioritized first. They must manage their time as best as possible to get maximum
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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Introduction Tip
Ensure the introduction clearly addresses the prompt and presents a clear position from the outset, setting the tone for a coherent discussion.
Paragraph Structure
Work on creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument or points.
Supporting Example Necessity
Include specific, detailed examples to support your arguments and improve the persuasiveness of your essay.
Conclusion Tip
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your argument without introducing new information.
Cohesion & Linking
Improve your paragraph transitions to create a smoother flow and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Clarity & Coverage
Strive for precision and clarity in your argument to enhance the reader's understanding and ensure comprehensive coverage of the topic.
Balanced Argument
Refine your response to the task by adequately discussing both sides of the argument, ensuring you fulfill the requirements of the essay prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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