In some countries,young people are encouraged to work or travel between finishing high school and high school school.Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages for young people who decides to do so

#countries #people #work #travel #school

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In recent years, there have been numerous

people

Use synonyms

who encourage teenagers to work or travel after finishing senior high school. As

such

Linking Words

, there are merits and demerits to

this

Linking Words

trend,

although

Linking Words

I opine that its demerits outweigh the merits. Even though going

Change preposition

show examples

holiday and doing

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

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are

tempted

Replace the word

tempting

show examples

, preparing to get

Change preposition

into

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

prestigious university is

also

Linking Words

important. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will examine all the relevant facets based on factual premises. There are several reasons to support

this

Linking Words

idea. The most predominant one is that they can be more independent

while

Linking Words

help

Change the verb form

helping

show examples

their parents financially.

Moreover

Linking Words

, teenagers should start doing part-time jobs;

therefore

Linking Words

they might be provided some skills that can help them in their future careers.

In addition

Linking Words

, going to travel and meeting numerous

people

Use synonyms

can build their

connection

Fix the agreement mistake

connections

show examples

and social life.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

should have explored a lot of things before they start building their own families or careers.

However

Linking Words

, preparing themselves to enter universities is not simple especially if they want to apply to prestigious universities.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they must work harder to match

university's

Correct article usage

the university's

show examples

requirements. Nowadays, the entry requirement is more complicated and needs efforts to obtain it.

For example

Linking Words

, teenagers should join courses,

Correct word choice

and do

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numerous practices

due to

Linking Words

tight competition;

therefore

Linking Words

, they can easily achieve their dream In conclusion, going around and having a

relax

Change the verb form

relaxed

show examples

life are important;

however

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

must calculate the advantages and disadvantages before deciding it.

In addition

Linking Words

, they can still holiday;

nevertheless

Linking Words

, their future careers must be prioritized first. They must manage their time as best as possible to get maximum

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on Sun Dec 03 2023

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Introduction Tip

Ensure the introduction clearly addresses the prompt and presents a clear position from the outset, setting the tone for a coherent discussion.

Paragraph Structure

Work on creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument or points.

Supporting Example Necessity

Include specific, detailed examples to support your arguments and improve the persuasiveness of your essay.

Conclusion Tip

Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your argument without introducing new information.

Cohesion & Linking

Improve your paragraph transitions to create a smoother flow and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Clarity & Coverage

Strive for precision and clarity in your argument to enhance the reader's understanding and ensure comprehensive coverage of the topic.

Balanced Argument

Refine your response to the task by adequately discussing both sides of the argument, ensuring you fulfill the requirements of the essay prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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In some countries,young people are encouraged to work or travel between finishing high school and high school school.Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages for young people who decides to do so

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Compared to past, more people are now trying to learn a foreign language to increase their chances of landing a better job in their native country or to have better opportunities to work abroad. To what extent do you agree with this point of view?

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their health and fitness are suffering. What do you think are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.