Some people think museums and art galleries should show works of art and history from their own country rather than from different parts of the world. Do you agree or disagree ?
agree-- focus on their
countries
, they know and familiar
Add a missing verb
are familiar
about
historical
agree-- invalid Change preposition
with
information
if its
not from their Correct your spelling
it is
countries
In recent years, there have been numerous people who thought that museums and galleries should be focused on their art and history
rather than other countries
. As such
there are agreements and disagreements, although
I opine that the agreements outweigh the disagreements. In my opinion, I completely agree because people are more familiar with their own country
's history
and art than other countries
. In this
essay, I will examine all the relevant arguments based on experiences.
There are several reasons to support this
idea. The most predominant one is preventing people from giving out invalid information
to the public. If they were unfamiliar with the information
, the chance to spread incorrect information
would be prominent. It would be counted as insulting to other countries
. Focusing on their own country
's history
can help them to understand better about their country
and also
provide better information
to the public.
In addition
, it can reduce the money that
is use
for transportation and Change the verb form
is used
laborer
the art materials from Change the spelling
labourer
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
country
. It can help saving
money and allocate it to provide better facilities in Wrong verb form
save
Museum
. Correct article usage
the Museum
On the other hand
, the copyright issue can be Correct article usage
a problems
problems
in the future if they Fix the agreement mistake
problem
were
managed Wrong verb form
are
it
well. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Hence
, giving full concentration on their own country
's history
is more benefit
than Replace the word
beneficial
Correct your spelling
trying
tring
to emphasise Correct your spelling
trying
on
other Change preposition
apply
country
's history
In conclusion, I agree to focus on their own history
than
Rephrase
rather than
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
country
. In addition
, it can help to reduce expenses, and student can learn and build knowledge about their nation's history
.Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on
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task achievement
Ensure a clear position is presented and maintained throughout the response. The essay should fully address all parts of the task.
task achievement
Work on providing specific, detailed examples to support each argument. The examples used were quite general and did not add significant weight to your points.
task achievement
Try to increase the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Some points were underdeveloped and lacked in-depth explanation.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more logical structure to your essay by organizing ideas into clear, cohesive paragraphs. Transitions should be used to create a smooth flow.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear central idea which is expanded upon with supporting information.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to help sentences and paragraphs flow together more naturally.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
