Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods. Governments should concentrate their resource on educating people about the risk they face nearer to their home, which can cost far more lives . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
#attention #disasters #earthquakes #floods #governments #resource #people #risk #face #home #cost #lives
The cost of natural
disasters
always increased concern from the public. Especially, some of them will result in uncountable negative consequences. However
, some folk may argue that educating thepublic
about their local Correct your spelling
the public
society
problems would save more lives. Change noun form
society's
It is clear that
despite the community issue that would risk people
’s lives, natural disasters
deserve more attention.
The consequence of natural disasters
is more serious. For instance
, an unexpected earthquake that happened in Japan not only resulted in the death of citizens who living in that area but also
led to the elimination of nuclear pollution. In addition
, if the government fail to allocate more emergency resource to address this
event, more people
will die because of a lack of medication care and environmental issue. Therefore
, it would be acceptable for the government to addresses
Wrong verb form
address
those problem
with more Change the determiner
that problem
those problems
resource
.
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
On the other hand
, people
with the opposite perspective would argue that those accidents or criminals happen
in the local district would cost individuals’ lives as well. Correct pronoun usage
that happen
As a result
, the authority
should invest more money to educate Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
people
in this
matter. To some extent, this
opinion is reasonable, since individuals would be more careful when they acknowledge the existence of the risk. However
, compared with this
local problem, the range of population
affected by natural Correct article usage
the population
disasters
, for example
, a sudden mountain eruption or flood, would way much larger. In the
Correct article usage
apply
others word
, more Fix the agreement mistake
other words
people
would be influenced by it. As a result
, once authority
only focused on dealing with community issues, more Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
people
would lose their life or family when the natural disaster happened.
In conclusion, this
essay disagrees with the idea that, instead
of allocating resources to address a
natural Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
disasters
, the government should pay more attention to educating people
about their local crimes. Because the consequences of the disaster are much serious
Correct quantifier usage
more serious
as well as
it would influence more people
.Submitted by heimli6 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a main topic and attempts to discuss different viewpoints, which is good. However, the logical sequence is sometimes unclear, making it hard to follow the argument. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and proceeds with ideas that logically follow from one to the next. Use cohesive devices appropriately to help the reader understand the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive, but the conclusion does not succinctly summarize the main arguments of the essay. It simply states the opinion of the writer without tying it back to the points discussed. Try to reiterate your main arguments in the conclusion clearly to reinforce your stance.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to support your main points, but the support often lacks depth or is not entirely convincing. When making an argument, it's important to present clear and robust support. This could be in the form of examples, data, or reasoned arguments. Aim to develop your paragraphs with clear and specific support for each main point.
task achievement
You tackled the task and presented a response to the prompt. However, it appears that you misunderstood some aspects of the task or failed to cover it completely. Focus on answering all parts of the question. Your essay should address every aspect of the task and provide a clear opinion on the issue.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay are relevant but not always comprehensive or well-developed. It is important to elaborate on your ideas, explain them fully, and ensure they are directly connected to the topic. Clarity is key, and each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is explored in-depth.
task achievement
The use of specific examples in your essay is limited, making your arguments less compelling. Examples are critical as they illustrate and support your points. Ensure that you include relevant, specific examples in your body paragraphs to strengthen your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?