IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Many people did not stay active during the pandemic. Write in cause and effect essay. Write at least 250 words.

#people #pandemic #effect
During
COVID 19
Add a hyphen
COVID-19
show examples
,many
people
 have a
lack
 of
exercise
. Many
people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
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exercise
 because
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 trying to do some
exercise
 and stay using
mobile
Correct pronoun usage
their mobile
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
.
This
 leads to
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
 and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
. The first effect of many
people have a
Verb problem
people's
show examples
lack
 of
exercise
 is causing many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
. In fact,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
studies indicate show if
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person has
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
show examples
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
 without any activity, it will lead to many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in the psychological aspect.
In addition
, and
also
may be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
immunity
Correct article usage
the immunity
show examples
 system or cardiovascular
disease
.
The another
Remove the article
Another
show examples
 effect of many
people have a
Verb problem
people's
show examples
lack
 of
exercise
 is
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 using
mobile
Correct pronoun usage
their mobile
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
.
In addition
, using
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
show examples
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will lead to many problems like eye weakness, and deviation of the eye.
To sum up
, many
people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exercise
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
COVID 19
Add a hyphen
COVID-19
show examples
. It is clear from the
lack
 of
exercise
 leads to
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
 and using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
. If you want your life without any
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, you will start doing
exercise
.
Submitted by Eissa Aljabri  on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for structuring the argument effectively. Consider starting with a statement that introduces the topic and ends with a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The use of logical connectors to create cohesion between ideas is lacking. Sentences and paragraphs should flow logically, using phrases like 'as a result', 'therefore', or 'in summary' to connect statements.
coherence cohesion
The essay needs more developed supporting points. Each effect discussed should be followed by specific examples or further explanation to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The prompt requires an examination of the causes and effects of inactivity during the pandemic. The essay does not fully address the causes of inactivity, focusing mainly on the effects. Make sure to address both sides of the topic as per the task requirement.
task achievement
The essay lacks clarity and detail, making it difficult to understand. Work on providing clear and comprehensive explanations of the points, avoiding vague or repetitive statements.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points, enhancing the quality of the argument and demonstrating task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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