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Band 5

In some countries it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries to what extent the benefits of this development outweigh the problem

#countries #people #products #development
Undoubtedly, in
this
 modern era, individuals are influenced by international products
such
 as clothes, food and beauty care. I believe that the advantages of
this
 outweigh the disadvantages of
this
 trade, which I will hash out in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, several factors are associated with it, but the main benefit of purchasing brands from developing nations promote cultural exchange. To explain it more, the masses
love
 to share their tradition with the help of food and drinks as well and foreign product promotes cultural understanding.
For instance
, the famous rare beauty foreign brand by Salena Gomez cross million of
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 every month because of higher purchasing from all over the world.
Furthermore
, not only
it
Add a missing verb
does it
show examples
 promote international trade
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
 helps to boost the growth of the economy because a number of goods which are imported from other nations
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
show examples
 the efficiency of
items
.
Also
, nowadays individuals get a variety of options in products which are available to them in the supermarkets.
As a result
, a survey was conducted which concluded that the majority of folks
love
 to purchase other national
items
 for their daily uses girls
love
 to spend their money on beauty care,
whereas
 boys
love
 to invest their money on foreign foods.
Secondly
, there are a few problems which can occur,
while
 buying different products which are manufactured in other countries. First and foremost , foreign change is moving at a breakneck speed which has detrimental effects on environmental concerns. To illustrate, the implications of transporting goods from another country cost a high amount of money as well vehicles which transport
items
from
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a long distance release harmful gases
such
 as carbon dioxide which promotes global warming at an alarming rate.
Apart from
this
, if people consume another nation's product
then
 the local industry will struggle for jobs to compete with abroad
items
.
To conclude
,
although
 foreign materials are gaining popularity among youngsters as they promote cultural understanding, yet it
also
 have harmful effects on nature because vehicles release CO2
while
 transporting goods from one place to another.
Submitted by svmaibcamaibs on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear overall progression. While the logical structure is present, there's room for tightening transitions and creating a more persuasive argument flow.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion, as present, to frame your essay. However, make sure these sections are succinct and clearly related to the main body of your text.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points more consistently with specific and relevant examples. Your current support is adequate, but more detailed evidence will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address the task directly throughout your essay, ensuring a complete response to the prompt. At present, the response somewhat dives into the topic, but could benefit from a more direct and focused examination of the benefits and drawbacks.
task achievement
Strive for clear and comprehensive ideas to support your thesis. While some ideas are present, the overall essay lacks in clarity and depth on certain points.
task achievement
Utilize specific examples that are fully relevant to the argument you're making. Some examples given are relevant, but additional and more developed examples would improve the response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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