IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that mobile phones are unnecessary for young group while others find that its useful for younger ones. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #phones #group #ones
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In today's digital age, there has been ongoing debate regarding whether young
people
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 necessarily need mobile
phones
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. Some argue that
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this device
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these devices
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 are not essential for young
group
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groups
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,
while
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other
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others
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 consider
phones
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 as a convenient tool for them. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both perspectives and present my personal viewpoint. In
this
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 fast-paced society,
people
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 gradually focus on their own matters
instead
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 of caring what
happen
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happens
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 around them. It is widely agreed that young men and women in
this
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 generation seem to be more indifferent because of the invention of
cellphones
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cell phones
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. One significant disadvantage of mobile
phones
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 can be addictive. In
this
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 materialistic society, plenty of software companies aim to share the market of mobile
game
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games
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 in order to gain substantial profit.
As a consequence
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, those
coporations
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corporations
 tend to develop the game that players must stick on the screen for a long time, which can make tons of money by using gamers' addiction.
On the other hand
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, It is believed that young
people
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 can utilize mobile
phones
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 to achieve
the
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apply
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academic purposes. With the widespread availability of the Internet, students can effortlessly obtain knowledge online. What is
obivious
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obvious
 is that young students can take advantage of technology that using their
phones
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combine
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combined
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 with the Internet to enhance the efficiency of learning.
Furthermore
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, social
also
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 an important matter for teenagers, and it is essential for children to form a deep bond with their friends or classmates.
Consequently
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,
cellphones
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cell phones
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 can easily allow them to contact each other after school. In conclusion, it is evident that
young
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the young
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 group could be addicted to mobile games but there is
also
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 a range of
benefit
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benefits
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 that mobile
phones
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 can provide.
Therefore
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, it is crucial that parents and teachers should teach young
people
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 to strike a balance between the manner of using technology.
Submitted by seanlin12345 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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