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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places.

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University-age
students
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 often live with their parents and relatives;
however
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, some have to change their address for their
studies
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 when their university is outside their region.
While
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 there are some obvious drawbacks to
this
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 phenomenon, it is not without its upsides. Admittedly, there are some disadvantages for the
students
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 to live away from their home for their
studies
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. One of these is financial hardships. As many
students
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 do not have a stable income to support themselves, they cannot pay their bills on time, and not afford their basic necessities,
such
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 as food and clothes. They are, in effect, obsessed with earning money and
as a result
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, they may take away their focus from their
studies
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. Adding to
this
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 issue is the likelihood of forming bad habits. When they are away from their parental supervision, they are more likely to be affected by poor-behaved peers.
Due to
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 the exposure of these impacts, they engage in bad habits, ranging from clubbing
,
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apply
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 and smoking to alcohol and drug abuse. These tendencies, in turn, determine their
overall
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 well-being, possibly making them commit a crime. As much as I acknowledge the points above, I tend to believe that
students
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 benefit from residing far away from their homes for their
studies
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. First and foremost, it leads to personal development. Leading an independent life,
students
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 can acquire new skills,
such
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 as cooking, driving, personal financial management, problem-solving skills
as well as
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 social ones, which are
also
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 beneficial for professional growth.
Furthermore
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, those studying in a different place from their residence can boost their horizons by being exposed to cultural exchange. They encounter various cultures in a new place and gain knowledge about them, expanding their point of view.
Therefore
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, it is better for
students
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 to live away. In conclusion, the advantages of moving away from home for university can overshadow its downsides since it results in personal growth and
improving
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improves
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 one's outlook.

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task achievement
To further enrich your essay, consider integrating more specific examples and data that support your arguments. Concrete examples can provide more weight to your claims about financial hardships and personal growth.
coherence cohesion
Maintain the clarity of your ideas by ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence, summarizing the main point before diving into details. This can help guide the reader more smoothly through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-aligned, presenting a clear stance on the subject matter.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs that flow naturally from one point to the next.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view on the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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