IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Sometimes, companies choose people based on their personality rather than skill yet. Why do you think that is the case? What do you think is more important_personality or skills?

#companies #people #personality #skill #case #important_personality #skills
One of the most important
phenomenon
Change to a plural noun
phenomena
show examples
 in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era is establishing disparate offices, and suitable employment is
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
 concern. There are numerous ways for choosing a person as a good recruiter;
such
 as based on their skills and experience, or
according to
 their personality and mindset.
Initially
, we should consider an office manager and his duties. One of the most significant elements of every corporation is human resources.
A
Change the article
An
show examples
 HR director should be aware of many aspects of a person's personality;
for instance
, how they could be effective for a firm, or noticing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their resume and all relevant experiences. Meanwhile, working as a worker needs
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
 spirit. Being a productive person and energetic is indeed an advantage for a newcomer. On the flip side, being an
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 individual who always
complaining
Wrong verb form
complains
show examples
 and
criticizing
Wrong verb form
criticises
show examples
 is an obvious drawback. Some corporations tend to hire
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 resources, unlike the other group that
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
culturalized
Correct your spelling
naturalized
 people.
For example
, by working in a butchery, you will need to be an expert and have great skills in advance.
On the other hand
, if you have a tendency to work as a
sales man
Correct your spelling
salesman
show examples
, your social
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
 and showing your best true
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 determinative.
According to
 me, a combination of
respectful
Replace the word
respect
show examples
 and
honest
Replace the word
honesty
show examples
,
in addition
 to industrious and
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 character is the best choice for every company. Of course, the real nature of a work is effective, too. As an example, as an author, we should recruit a
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 writer;
although
 the narrator's character is crucial, too.
Overall
, in spite of some people who believe that experience is everything, having a well-mannered personality is another side of a suitable individual for working.
Submitted by tg.persian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is important to organize your ideas in a more coherent manner, ensuring that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more effective. Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a final thought.
coherence cohesion
While you have supported some of your main points, others lack clear explanations or examples. Develop each point with specific details and examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You addressed the tasks to some extent, but your response should be more complete. Clearly address the reasons why companies may choose personality over skills, and articulate your viewpoint on what is more important.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Strive to express your thoughts in a way that is easy to understand, making sure each sentence contributes to the development of your ideas.
task achievement
You need to use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural fit
  • team dynamics
  • customer interaction
  • client management
  • charisma
  • empathy
  • diverse skillset
  • innovation
  • innate traits
  • positive attitude
  • work ethic
  • long-term success
  • leadership roles
  • decisiveness
  • integrity
  • technical skills
  • adaptability
  • stress management
What to do next:
Look at other essays: