Everybody should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly believed that everyone should become a vegetarian because consuming
meat
may lead to health
problems. This
essay argues that eating only fruit and vegetables has problematic consequence
. The two most serious areFix the agreement mistake
consequences
,
the overload in agriculture and not eating enough proteins and nutrients which can be taken from only Remove the comma
apply
meat
.
Firstly
, relaying
on only vegetarian foods may have Correct your spelling
relying
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
to
its Change preposition
on
prize
and quality. Correct your spelling
price
In other words
, heavily consuming fruit and vegetables leads to overpricing these products, because high demand on
any particular thing means, Change preposition
for
this
product is the most precious one so sealers may increase its cost. Additionally
, in order to produce enough product
for everyone farmers may use special chemicals to grow their plants faster, leading to Fix the agreement mistake
products
low quality
and unhealthy crops. It is a fact that these chemicals Add a hyphen
low-quality
leads
to cancer Change the verb form
lead
and
diabetes and other serious Correct word choice
apply
health
issues.
Secondly
, fully
abandonment of eating Change the word
full
meat
has several disadvantages rather its
benefits. There are several particular proteins which Correct word choice
than its
could
only be found in red Wrong verb form
can
meat
. In fact, there are 24 types of proteins and human
body can create only 11 of them Add an article
the human
by
its own or by eating fruits and vegetables, but Change preposition
on
other
13 types can only be taken from Correct article usage
the other
meat
,
because only our stomach can consume them by digesting Remove the comma
apply
meat
.
Taking all into consideration, Many people believe that becoming vegetarian is essential for every one
because consuming Replace the word
everyone
meat
may risk our health
. However
, I strongly believe that,
the advantages of eating Remove the comma
apply
meat
is
the way better than its disadvantages, Verb problem
apply
a
part from that relaying only Correct article usage
apply
in
plants may lead to other problems Change preposition
on
such
as increase
in its price and some Add an article
an increase
the increase
health
problems caused by used chemicals in order to provide sufficient products for citizens.Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a more coherent structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences. Use connective words to link ideas and ensure paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure that your thesis statement in the introduction is clear, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments made in the essay without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
While you have supported some main points, others are less well-developed. Make sure every claim is backed by specific details, data, or examples. Expand on your points to fully communicate your reasoning.
task achievement
It appears that the essay only partially addresses the task. Make sure to address the prompt fully and develop a balanced argument, considering both sides when asked to what extent you agree or disagree.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Work on developing each point fully and expressing your ideas in a way that is easily understood. Avoid ambiguous statements and be as specific as possible.
task achievement
You have used specific examples, which is good. However, ensure that all examples are directly relevant to the topic and support the argument you are making. Do not include examples that do not have a clear link to your main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.