IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that activities of large multinational companies mostly benefit the economies of developing countries, other people take the opposite view and feel these large multinationals are harmful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There are people who believe that multinational enterprises are good
to
Change preposition
for
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 the local economy of developing nations,
whereas
Linking Words
another
Replace the adjective
other
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 people argue that these international companies bring negative consequences. I think there are pros and cons, which will detailed in the next lines. The first view can be supported by the fact that these large organizations create several jobs, and they are responsible
to introduce
Change preposition
for introducing
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 new technologies in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they collaborate to elevate the average salary in these underdeveloped states, attracting the best talents in areas like engineering, marketing, and sales,
for instance
Linking Words
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it contributes to
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the educational level and
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 the learning
languages
Change preposition
of languages
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as English, German,
Spanish
Correct word choice
and Spanish
show examples
,
relies
Verb problem
depending
show examples
 on the nationality of these corporations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the presence of these huge multinationals can
broking
Verb problem
bring
show examples
 local industry and small
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
occur
Change the verb form
occurs
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 because it is too difficult
to
Change preposition
for
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 the regional companies
competing
Change the verb form
to compete
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 with big business, especially on price and quality.
Besides
Linking Words
, the profits of all activity in underdeveloped countries
is
Change the verb form
are
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 sent to the country of origin, as well
the
Correct word choice
as the
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 main tax.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
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, the economy becomes dependent
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 international policies and dollar exchange rates. In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages, but I think the pros overcome the cons. It is necessary
some
Change preposition
to some
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 laws and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 to avail the good points and
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
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 the drawbacks. I believe that there are
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 more benefits,
however
Linking Words
, the local government must regulate some aspects to protect the small and local
enterprise
Fix the agreement mistake
enterprises
show examples
, whether by giving subsidies or promoting
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
free and healthy competition.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of your argument. Your introduction did touch upon the topic but could have more precisely outlined the points that would be discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing should be used effectively to structure the argument. You have attempted to structure your essay into paragraphs, which is good, but some paragraphs may benefit from clearer topic sentences and more focused development of the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to structure the discourse, but avoid overusing or misusing them. Some sentences seem to be disconnected due to improper use of linking words.
Task Achievement
Address the task fully by discussing both views and giving your own opinion. You have discussed both views but need to ensure that your opinion is consistent throughout the essay and not only mentioned in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully by providing clear and comprehensive explanations, possibly supported by examples. Your essay provides a general discussion but lacks specific examples to illustrate the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve lexical resource to correctly express precise meaning and avoid errors. Pay attention to collocation ('broking local industry' should be 'breaking into local industry' or 'outcompeting local industry').
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