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Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Nowadays, the
number
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 of
youth
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increase
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 significantly
exceed
Correct subject-verb agreement
exceeds
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 the
number
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 of elderly. It is argued that the
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advantage
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advantages
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 of
this
Linking Words
 situation outweigh the
drawback
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drawbacks
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,
however
Linking Words
, in my point of view, the growing
number
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 of
youth
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 has
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advantage
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an advantage
the advantage
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 in terms of greater economic
growth
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 and
lesser
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a lesser
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dependency
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ratio
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. The major
advantage
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 of
this
Linking Words
 situation is the increasing percentage of economic
growth
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 which is usually derived from
gross
Correct article usage
the gross
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 domestic product rate.
Demography
Correct article usage
A demography
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 bonus is a condition in which the productive
age
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population
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 (15-64
years
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) is more than the non-productive
population
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. Demography bonus can be
good
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a good
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 chance for every country if they can
optimalize
Correct your spelling
optimize
 it well. When the
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
productive
age
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population
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Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 significantly, the
labor
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labour
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 potential will
also
Linking Words
increase
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. All of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 workers will participate in economic activities, have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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revenue,
lead
Correct word choice
and lead
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 the economic sector with the expenditure that has been spent. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, the increasing
number
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 of younger adults
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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 the increasing
number
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 of
growth
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 domestic bruto rate which
usually
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is usually
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 used as
reference
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a reference
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 to economic
growth
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.
For example
Linking Words
, when
unemployment
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the unemployment
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 rate in June 2023 reached under 5
percent
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per cent
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, the gross domestic product will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increase
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 too The other
advantage
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 of
this
Linking Words
 situation is the lesser
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
dependency
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ratio
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.
Dependency
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 ratios indicate the potential effects of changes in
population
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age
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 structures for social and economic development, pointing out broad trends in social support needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Indonesia
population
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reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 300
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millions
Change to singular
million
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people
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 in June 2023. From that figure, there are 200
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
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people
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 which is categorized as productive
age
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, 60
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millions
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million
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people
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 categorized as yet productive
age
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 (0-14
years
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) and 40
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millions
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million
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people
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 categorized as
non productive
Add a hyphen
non-productive
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age
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 (65+
years
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). With that composition,
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the
dependency
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ratio
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reach
Change the verb form
reaches
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 50 %. It means that every 50
people
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 aged (0-14
years
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) and (65+
years
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) have been supported by 100
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youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
people
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. In conclusion, the increasing
number
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 of productive
age
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population
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 has merits to economic
growth
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 and
dependency
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ratio
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is evident that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 greater
number
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 of
youth
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 possess more advantages that outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction sets a clear direction for the essay. Introduce both sides of the argument to prepare the reader for a balanced discussion before asserting your position.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices and paragraph structures to improve the essay's logical structure and the clarity of main ideas throughout.
task achievement
Aim for a more balanced discussion by elaborating on both advantages and disadvantages equally before drawing a conclusion.
task response
Refer to the task prompt throughout the essay to remain focused on the question asked. This helps in achieving a more complete and direct response.
examples
Enhance the essay by using specific, relevant examples to support your points. Use real-world instances or hypothetical situations that clearly relate to the topic being discussed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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